


Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones...

by CumberRachel



Series: Avengers Fan Fiction Collection [13]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Study in Pink Spoilers, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blankets, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky and Tony gel, Come Swallowing, Couch Cuddles, Cute, Dildos, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom Drop, Dom Steve Rogers, Fluff, Helpful JARVIS, Helpful Tony Stark, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Making Up, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Power Imbalance, Protective Bucky Barnes, Rimming, Safeword Use, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sex Toys, Sparring, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve needs to learn, Sub Bucky Barnes, Sub Steve Rogers, Switching, Tony Is a Good Bro, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Vibrators, bucky barnes gives him one, clint likes hiding in the ceiling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:46:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CumberRachel/pseuds/CumberRachel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"H-hydra!" Bucky gasped, feeling Steve immediately tense and pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A Fic where Bucky uses the safe word and Steve? Well Steve doesn't react as one might expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But Words Will Never Hurt Me?

**Author's Note:**

> So this one has been on my mind for a while and I wasn't going to post it until I had completed my WIP. However I got quite excited by this and I'm deciding to post it because I think people will not expect certain things that are going to happen.
> 
> As ever, massive thanks to my beta Starspangled-Bucky (go read her work) (sorry I still don't know how to link).
> 
> I hope you enjoy this, any and all feedback is taken well (I forgot the word...) :) thank you for reading.

 

"H-hydra!" Bucky gasped, feeling Steve immediately tense and pull away.

 First light flooded his eyes as Steve withdrew his hand. Then the warmth radiating from Steve vanished with the weight on his body, his ass was left empty and twitching; wanting the feel of Steve's large cock inside him again. Off came the cuffs holding him to each bedpost, shortly followed by the silk tying his ankles to his upper arms, holding him open.

 Deft and slick, Steve freed Bucky without meeting his eyes. He made any touches against Bucky's skin quick and nothing more than a slight brush of contact. 

 Bucky tried to catch his attention, to tell him he didn't want to stop completely, he just needed a moment. It had been Bucky's idea for Steve to cover his eyes and it just turned out to be a bad one. They'd been trying out new things in the bedroom, the first being restraining Bucky. It went well and they now did it often but this time things hadn't gone so well. 

 At first it was nice, exciting to wonder where Steve was going to touch next, not being able to see his movements. As soon as Steve entered him things went from good to bad: while he knew it was Steve, he couldn't see him so it could have been anyone, like maybe Rumlow or another Hydra drone. 

 He grit his teeth because Steve was moaning above him and it kept him grounded. But then he began to thrust faster and his moans became grunts that Bucky couldn't exactly tell apart from anyone else's. 

 Bad went to worse as he felt the asset crawl up his spine, worming its tendrils into his tendons and taking over his muscles. He could easily break these restraints and he didn't want to risk hurting Steve so he did the only thing he knew would make Steve pause. He used the safe word.

 He didn't imagine Steve would react so violently though, he'd simply expected him to stop, uncover his eyes and ask a breathless 'you alright?'. And that would have been enough for Bucky, he would be able to see Steve and the asset would run and hide like he always did. They could have carried on and had some really great sex without ever blocking his vision again. 

 But no. Steve never did things by halves and this wasn't any different. 

 "Steve, wait," Bucky called, as Steve began to retreat to the bathroom, picking up some sweats on the way. 

 Steve stopped but didn't turn, Bucky could see how tight his shoulders were coiled, one fist clenched at his side and the other white knuckling the clothes.

 Was he angry? Did Bucky do something wrong? Steve always said: 'you have to tell me, Buck, if you don't like anything. Don't be afraid to use the safe word, it's there for a reason'. It was almost a mantra, every time they did anything together, no matter how vanilla, Steve would say the same thing: don't be afraid to use the safe word. 

 Bucky sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed, his limbs lax and pliant as always after sex, even without climax. He was about to get up and walk over to his lover but Steve turned half in his direction, thrusting a hand out in a halting manner. 

 Bucky froze and shrunk in on himself, confused by Steve's actions and not really knowing how to process what was going on. 

 Turning his head, Steve took his time in meeting Bucky's eyes. The bright blue seemed dull even though they were swimming in unshed tears. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly figuring out how to say whatever it was.

 "I'm sorry I hur-" he choked out at last, his words getting caught as those tears finally spilled free. 

 Without waiting for Bucky's response, the blonde fled to the bathroom and locked himself in, erecting a physical barrier between the two lovers.

 Now without any restrictions Bucky raced over to the door, pressing his palm up against it along with his forehead. Judging by the shadow on the floor, Steve was just on the other side.

 "Baby?" Bucky tried tentatively, testing the handle with the wishful thinking that it might be open. 

 It wasn't.

 Bucky frowned, Steve said he'd  _hurt_  him. Is that really what he thought? Is that what the safe word really meant? If it was then Bucky would never have used it. He wasn't hurt, not physically  _or_  mentally. He was just scared of hurting  _Steve_. He didn't want to stop, he had been feeling great but his erection flagged the moment Steve left his body.

 "Stevie please. Let me in. You didn't hurt me, I promise," Bucky assured, holding his breath when he heard movement on the other side of the door. 

 After a couple of minutes he heard the shower start and he realised this was Steve blocking him out, pushing him away when he really should just talk. At least Bucky knew it wasn't something he'd done.

 Sighing to himself, Bucky decided he would give Steve some space, leave him to do whatever he needed to be okay with it. When he was up to seeing Bucky again, he'd explain fully. Steve couldn't avoid him forever.

 "Okay, well I'm gonna go to the gym for a bit, try to get some sleep, I love you," he said through the door, voice cracking a little.

 He quickly pulled on some boxers and sweats before heading out of the bedroom and for the elevator. 

 "Gym please Jarvis," he requested in muted tones, shutting out his feelings for the time being. 

 He needed to exercise it away before it took control and left him a wreck.

* * *

 

 Steve sat between the two sinks on the counter, watching the door through his teary blur, all but tearing the soft fabric in his hand and hearing Bucky's footsteps fade away. The water was hot and steaming up the shower, a small attempt to warm up his shivering muscles. This happened from time to time, if he was emotionally distressed (sad, angry, frustrated...) then he would start to feel cold. Ice cold. He knew it was probably psychosomatic but he couldn't stop it happening. 

 Sliding off the countertop, Steve stepped under the scalding spray, feeling it instantly loosen his tense muscles, calming the shivers and allowing him to focus. 

 Although perhaps it wasn't for the best. Now all he could hear was Bucky stuttering out 'Hydra'. It's weight finally came crashing down and it brought bile to the back of his throat, causing him to suddenly retch and gag in the shower, his weight up against the wall. 

 Bucky had used their safe word. 

_Bucky_   _had used their safe word_. 

 The one thing they both detested - Hyrda. When Bucky had suggested it Steve hadn't been so sure, not wanting to bring those psychopaths into the bedroom. But Bucky had pointed out that it would be good 'cause it would shock the other person enough to stop temporarily. So Steve relented and agreed that it made sense. 

 He didn't expect it to be quite so shocking however. Hearing Bucky say it in that way had killed his hard on like a bullet to the head. When he removed his hand he saw flickers of the cold assassin he'd taken in so many months ago and he panicked. 

 And then he fled like the coward he was. He couldn't face knowing he'd hurt Bucky. His love, his life, his one and only. And he'd done something so wrong to the extent that Buck had needed to use the safe word. 

 How could he go near Bucky again? What if all it took was one touch that set him off. It had been in the past; Steve's hand curling into his hair had caused the Winter Soldier to flare into life and throw Steve to the ground before Bucky regained control. 

 Feeling his emotions catch up with him now he was warm, Steve sank to the floor, sliding down the wall until his head hung between his knees. 

 Slowly but surely, violent sobs shook him to his core, crying out the fear and panic that he'd hurt his lover. No matter what Bucky said Steve knew what he'd done. Bucky probably hadn't realised it yet.

 Thanking God for Stark's endless supply of hot water, Steve sat and cried until his eyes ran out of tears, the water from the shower now taking their place on his cheeks. 

 Heaving a wrecked sigh from his body, Steve stood and turned the water off, grabbing a towel and systematically drying himself down, muscle memory taking over along with exhaustion. 

 What was it Bucky said just before leaving? Oh yeah - 'try to get some sleep'. Steve didn't know how good it would be but he felt like he could sleep, at least for a little while. 

 Slipping on the sweat pants, Steve brushed his teeth and had a quick shave, glad his hands were now steady enough. Before leaving the bathroom, Steve opened the door a crack and peaked out, knowing that Bucky sometimes went to odd lengths to reach out. 

 "Hey Jarvis? Is Bucky hiding on this floor somewhere?" he whispered anxiously, opening the door more and poking his head out.

 "No Captain, Mr Barnes is currently making a dent in the new metal core punching bag Mr Stark created to cater to his left arm," Jarvis replied, in that smooth English that always reminded Steve of Peggy. 

 "Thank you," Steve muttered, finally leaving the bathroom and heading out toward the bed. 

 He faltered in his steps when he saw everything still out on the bed. The cuffs on the posts, the silk, the dildo, the finger vibrator, then the stained sheets and the scent of sex in the stale air. It was all Steve could do not to puke right on the spot. 

 Without a thought, Steve fled from the room, heading to the spare room. Hopefully Bucky would leave him to sleep here alone and clear up the mess before Steve woke. Probably not. 

 Swallowing and shaking the bad thoughts away, Steve made his way over to the crisply made bed and pulled back the blankets, tucking himself in as he curled into a tight little ball. He was shivering again...

 Bucky had said something else before he left, it was muffled and Steve couldn't have been sure he wasn't imagining it at the time but now he knew it was true. 

 "I love you too Buck," he. whispered to the air, his shivers subsiding enough to allow him to sink into a less than peaceful sleep.

 


	2. Talking Cures All Ill's?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve finally talk things through.

  
  
Water droplets trickled down from his hair and into his eyes, blurring his vision. Turning around, Bucky grabbed the shampoo and started to wash the sweat and grime out of his hair. The workout had been intense, Stark wouldn't be happy that he broke the specially made bag. At least he hadn't broken a window again.

With the shampoo out of his hair, Bucky turned off the water, switching it to the steam function. Bucky hated being cold as much as Steve did and the warm thick air helped him relax and stay in his own head. 

Sighing, Bucky grabbed the bottle of aloe (for whatever reason there was one in every bathroom, including the gym) and sat on the little bench. Starting with his ankles, Bucky rubbed the cooling gel into what was left of the quick healing marks, he'd done this to Steve multiple times so he knew what he was doing but it somehow felt different doing it to himself. He didn't have that usual calm and happy feeling. Probably because he didn't get to come. But he had no interest in that now. He wanted to make sure Steve was okay.

Not using any of the care he would with Steve, Bucky finished up with the rest of the gel. Irritatingly, his prick showed a hint of interest when he tenderly rubbed his hole. He didn't touch though, that was one of Steve rules: don't touch yourself unless given explicit orders. 

After he was done he got out and did a quick pain check, bringing each knee up to his chest and then bending his leg up behind him. When nothing twinged he bent until his hands were between his feet, then he brought his arms up and behind his head. Nothing hurt physically, sometimes they did, maybe a pulled muscle or too much strain or something. This was nothing Steve wouldn't have done with him had they completed things and nothing he wouldn't do with Steve when their roles were reversed. 

Pulling clothes and a bottle of water out of his locker, Bucky dressed and made his way back to the elevator, Jarvis taking him automatically to his floor. Walking out he threw the empty bottle in the nearest bin and rushed to the bedroom, hoping Steve had taken his advice and gone to sleep.

Instead he found the room the way he left it, with no Steve. Upon checking the bathroom Bucky realised that Steve must have gone to bed elsewhere, it was unlikely that he would have left in the state he was in. But Bucky felt the need to check anyway. 

"Hey, Jarvis? Please tell me Steve is still in the building," Bucky asked nervously, walking back out to the bed and clearing things up. 

Their little (ish) crate that stayed under their bed was filled with various toys and restraints that had all been tried and tested. 

"Captain Rogers is currently sleeping in the spare room, shall I wake him?" Jarvis responded, cool and ever present as always. 

"N-no don't do that. I'll go to him," Bucky replied absently, taking time to clean any thing they'd used before placing it in the box. 

  
Once he was done he slid the box back in its place and made his way to the spare room.  What he saw there him for a loop. Steve was curled up tightly and he was clutching the duvet hard, there was a furrow in his brow that Bucky hadn't seen in a long time. Probably not since before the serum.   


If Steve wasn't curled up behind Bucky as 'big spoon' then he was laying flat with Bucky draped over him. Other than that Bucky assumes he slept mostly flat, or maybe on his side, but not like this. Not so tightly. So...protectively. Bucky debated leaving him to sleep alone and going back to their room but then Steve began to make little whining noises, the brow furrowing even more and Bucky knew he couldn't leave. 

Quiet and quick as he could, Bucky stripped down to his boxers and climbed in the other side of the bed, curling instinctively around Steve, his metal palm pressed over a fast beating heart. 

Steve's whimpers died down instantly, his face smoothing into a peaceful smile, his back pressed closer to Bucky's chest and his hears slowed down. 

It took him a while but Bucky found sleep eventually, his nose pressed to the nape of Steve's neck, warm and content. They'd talk tomorrow, after they had both calmed down and were more refreshed. Bucky would force Steve if he had to because he needed to explain, to make sure Steve understood why he'd used the safe word. 

It was the first time it had been used and he'd probably have reacted in a similar way had it been the other way around but it couldn't stay buried. If they did talk about it then neither would want to use it, and that could end very badly. 

* * *

Steve woke up in stages, first feeling the arms around him and sighing happily, he was wrapped up in bed with Bucky like every morning. When he opened his eyes he realised that this wasn't their bed. Or their room. But it was their floor so that was a plus. 

_Why am I in here...? Did we break the bed? Oh shit!_

Realisation washed over him like a wave, crashing down and crushing him. 

Feeling Bucky stir behind him Steve shot out of bed, getting his foot caught and collapsing to the ground. If Bucky hadn't woken before then he definitely had with the crash he made. 

"Steve what the hell?! Are you alright?" Bucky cried from where he sat up in bed. 

Steve was clambering to his feet and frantically trying to think of a way to get Bucky to chill.

"Uh yeah, fine. I er- I need to pee," he stammered, rushing out of the room without looking back and to the bathroom, only just realising that Bucky had cleared up the bed. 

Now safe in the bathroom, Steve realised he did in fact need too pee, at least he wouldn't have to guess how long it would take. He couldn't remember Bucky joining him last night so he must have already been asleep. He had no idea why Bucky would want to be cuddled up to him either, not after last night. Steve had done wrong, he knew that but he just couldn't get it out of his mind, the fear of hurting him took over the urge to fuck him.

Finishing up, Steve washed his hands and then splashed his face with cold water. It worked in waking him up but it did little to calm him down. 

Taking his time, Steve pulled out his running pants, t-shirt and a hoodie, while running kept him warm it was still mid November. It was frickin' cold. As he was pulling on his trainers the sound of sizzling and the smell of bacon came wafting into the room. _Was Bucky cooking?_

_Bucky never cooked._

Although not exactly for lack of trying, he kinda set the toaster on fire last time. But Steve didn't remember inviting anyone for breakfast (not that  _that_  would stop them) so Bucky must be cooking. Was he cooking for Steve? Did he feel he owed Steve for using the safe word. 

Not liking where his thoughts were taking him, Steve hurried out to the open kitchen diner, stopping dead when Bucky gave him an irritated glare. Steve swallowed and tried to walk past, jerking out of the path of Bucky's hand heading toward his and slamming his elbow into the counter. 

"Are you cooking for me?" Steve asked incredulously, thankful he wasn't smelling smoke. 

"No, I'm cooking for us," Bucky said, his voice monotone and somewhat...angry? 

Steve wasn't sure, it wasn't a tone he'd heard before.

"Because of last night?" Steve questioned timidly, checking the clock and realising he was already late, maybe Sam could come and rescue him. 

"No. I'm cooking breakfast because it's morning. And people eat breakfast in the morning. Grab a drink, sit down," Bucky said in that same tone, gesturing with a spatula. 

"I'm sorry, Buck, I can't. I'm already late for running, Sam will be wandering where I am," Steve countered, not wanting to upset Bucky further. 

Bucky turned around and gave him a cold look. 

"No you're not. I called and canceled. You and I need to talk, now sit!" he commanded, voice almost a growl. 

It was the same voice he would use to command Steve in the bedroom, which really wasn't fair as Steve couldn't disobey no matter how much he wanted to.

Steve sank onto the bar stool with a small 'yes sir', ducking his head as he sipped from a glass of orange, cheeks blazing. Steve was all for spontaneity but would Bucky really do that now? He was sure neither were exactly in the mood. 

Bucky's shoulders slumped, he flipped the sausages and then turned to Steve with a much softer expression. 

"Baby no, that's not, I didn't... I wasn't-" Bucky paused and took a deep breath, gently tapping Steve's chin to get him to look up, he didn't miss the was his jaw locked, as though he was trying not to move away.

"I wasn't commanding you as 'sir'. Not intentionally anyway. I was just frustrated, I'm sorry. That's not what this is, it isn't a scene. I wanted to cook you breakfast and then we'll talk about last night okay? 'Cause I need to explain," Bucky watched as he swallowed and then let him go, quickly removing the rashers of bacon from the pan and onto a plate before they burned.

Steve couldn't exactly argue. Bucky was right, they did need to talk no matter how much Steve didn't want to. If they didn't then one or both would get hurt. It was something they'd been good at before the war; talking, planning, making sure everything was checked before doing anything. 

Now it was a bit more random, they'd be snuggling and kissing and then one would just take control, always seeming to know what the other needed. It was a good system and they checked in on each other as they went, they even had the traffic light system but they'd not even needed yellow before now. 

Maybe that was why things had gone so badly.

******

Bucky plated up the food, thinking about how to start the conversation. He mainly planned for him to talk and for Steve to keep quiet, making sure he heard everything Bucky had to say before responding. 

It was obvious that Steve felt bad. And the 'I'm sorry I hurt you' was a pretty clear indication of why, even though he was wrong. Bucky had to make sure Steve realised that.

Picking up the plates, Bucky placed one in front of Steve and then where he was sitting across from weary baby blue eyes. He grabbed two knives and forks, wordlessly handing two to Steve along with a napkin. Then he sat down and began to eat, the only other sound being Steve eating. It was borderline awkward and Bucky hated awkward. 

"Right-" he started, only halfway through his meal. "-you know as much as I do that we need to talk about last night. But before you start, I  _need_  to explain why I used our safe word, and I need  _you_  to listen patiently until I've finished speaking. Think you can do that for me?" Bucky asked, making sure to keep his voice neutral and without a hint of authority. 

He didn't want Steve to think he was being manipulated into it. 

Steve swallowed and nodded, finally meeting Bucky's eyes, filled with worry and what looked like an apology. Bucky had to make sure he didn't apologise, he didn't need to.

"Do you remember when we first started using restraints, and we toyed with the idea of asking Stark to make reinforced ones we wouldn't be able to get out of?" he started, having planned most of it in his head.

Steve frowned in thought, looking up to the right and then nodded, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, okay, well. We decided not to in case either of us really needed to get out, like if there was a call to assemble. Quicker to break out than to spend time undoing everything," 

"While we know we can break them we hold back so we don't, it would just defeat the purpose if we didn't,"

"It was my idea for you to cover my eyes but it was one of those ideas that didn't work so well. Don't get me wrong, I was having a great time, you were so deep and you were pushing against my prostate and it was really fucking hot," 

"But the quieter you got the more I remembered that thing I told you about, with Rumlow..." Bucky trailed off, wandering how Steve would react. 

Initially it was anger, his eyes ablaze with fire as he pushed down the urge to find the bastard and tear him limb from limb. That then morphed into horror as he realised what Bucky was saying. And interpreting it  _completely_  wrong.

"No Steve, no that isn't what I meant! Don't go down that path. I wasn't trying to compare you to him. In me remembering that it kind of woke up the asset. I could feel him stirring because he thought I was in a different situation," 

"I couldn't let him take over. Not like that, he would have attacked you and tried to kill you, and he could have easily done that given the fact that we can both break out of the restraints," 

"That's why I used the safe word, I was scared I was going to lose control and hurt you. Realistically I realise I should have used 'yellow' as you'd have paused, checked in and I would have seen you and the asset would run and hide, he's scared of you,"  

"But I panicked. I was so worried that I could end up attacking you that I put a halt to the whole thing. But I think you may have panicked as well, Steve. I wanted to carry on, honestly I did. It was a shock to me to see you react like that, I didn't know how to help you. As I wanted to, I still do,"" Bucky concluded, reaching his hand across to Steve's, gasping when he pulled away. 

"I'm sorry Bucky, and don't say I shouldn't be because I should, and I am. I shouldn't have run like that, and you're right that I panicked. It's never been used before so neither of us knew how to react, and I got scared. I'm still a bit scared that I'll do or say the wrong thing. Thank you for explaining," Steve said. 

His voice was strong but timid at the same time.  

"But-" he began, and Bucky wasn't sure he liked where this was going.

"I can't do...anything, yet. I need some space, some time to er, just come to terms with it. I'm not sure I'm explaining very well, I don't think I can explain any better. Sorry, I hate that I feel the need to ask this, but would you mind if we slept in separate beds? Just for a few days, I know that you don't sleep so great alone and neither do I but I think I will sleep worse at this current point in time..." Steve ended, with a sigh. 

"Thank you for breakfast, it was lovely, especially given that you can't normally cook. I love you," he said, getting up and heading towards the elevator, leaving a shocked and confused Bucky in his wake.

Bucky replayed what Steve had said a few times in his mind, sorting through it and making sense of it. It would explain him shooting out of bed earlier, and then the wanting to pull away, then actually pulling away. 

Steve was right when he said he didn't explain it well, but if he couldn't put what he felt into words it made things harder for Bucky. He guessed he would just have to give Steve the space and time he needed. If it made him feel better then Bucky would do just about anything for Steve. Maybe that was part of the problem, he'd have to talk to Natasha, see where he was going wrong.

He would fix this, he would make sure Steve knew how to feel good again. 

He would.


	3. Peice Offering?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet again it takes the team to pull these idiots heads out of their asses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while, and that I have no regular update or anything. I have school work to prioritise now so unfortunately writing comes second. But I have three hours not doing anything tomorrow so I plan to write the final(?) chapter of my skinny!steve fic (if anyone's is even remotely interested). Please let me know what you thought, I don't think there are any warnings that I've missed but if anyone finds something then let me know asap so I can correct it. Enjoy :)

He hasn't been out of his-our room in five days," Bucky sighed, flat on his back.  
  
Him and Tony had been sparring for the last hour, testing the new suit and the upgrade in the arm, two birds with one stone he said. Three birds, technically, as Tony had been subtly hinting at him and Steve for the entire time.   
  
Tony had his wrists pinned above his head and ankles over his knees. If this was him and Steve they would probably be making out by now, but it wasn't. Steve had locked himself away and it was taking its toll on Bucky.   
  
"I saw him twice in the kitchen getting some food and I bumped into him leaving the bathroom, he bolted in and slammed the door. I don't know what to do Tony. I'm supposed to be there for him, to help him but he won't let me in!" Bucky groaned, frustrated. 

Tony got off of him and stepped out of the suit, now falling a few inches short of Bucky. 

"Okay, I'm about to ask you a few questions with answers that either you or Steve might not want to have out in the open but if you want to help Steve then you need to tell me the truth. Yes or no answers will suffice," Tony cautioned, sitting down on the sparring mat facing Bucky where he had sat up.

Bucky frowned but nodded anyway, giving him the okay.

"First things first. Do you and Steve have an active sex life?" he began, even though he didn't really need to ask.

"Yes, before all this, yes," he waved his hand in a general gesture.

"Okay. Question two, did that sex life involve activities of the...BDSM nature?" he said, raising an eyebrow expectantly. 

Bucky ducked his head but nodded anyway. He kind of felt that he was telling Tony things Steve might not want him to know. But then it was talking to Tony or not talking to Steve indefinitely. The former would always win out. Tony pursed his lips and scratched at his goatee. He, as well as the rest of the team, had suspected but none were really bold enough to ask. 

"Alright, that makes things clearer. Somewhat. I'm gonna go ahead and assume something bad happened?" Tony asked expectantly. 

Bucky nodded again, nibbling his lip in thought. Should he say something? Would Steve hate him more if he asked Tony for help? Who knew. He was gonna do it anyway, he couldn't wait for Steve any more.

"I was subbing... We tried something new, and it didn't work. I used the safe word 'cause I thought the asset would hurt him. It's the first time either of us used it and he just fled. 

"We talked about it the morning after, after he said he just 'needed some time'. And then he left. He flinched any time I tried to touch him and I just..." Bucky sagged, laying back on the mat and shoving the heels of his hand over his eyes. 

"Hmm okay. I think I know what's going on. I mean I don't know everything about it but I did some reading after stumbling into an interesting club," Tony paused, laughing a little to himself in memory. 

"Yeah, that was one hell of a night... Anyway, based one what I'm hearing I think Steve is going through 'Dom drop'," Tony said. 

Bucky's brow furrowed, moving his hands away and looking over at Tony.

"Dom drop? I'm recognising that..." he mumbled.

"You're probably thinking of sub drop, when the submissive gets really low if the Dom leaves and doesn't give after care and shit. It's kinda the same but reversed, the Dom gets really low and feels guilty often cause the think they've acted badly towards their sub," Tony took his time explaining, making sure Bucky understood.

"But I told him I was fine. I only used it to protect him, he knows this. He understood," Bucky interjected. 

"Even I know Steve well enough to know that won't make a difference," Tony scoffed. "Do you remember when Clint broke his wrist because I didn't catch him, and he blamed himself 'cause he'd 'ordered me too far away from the rest of the team.' He hadn't, I'd gone further than I should have and Clint had no other major injuries but he still felt guilty for it," Tony pointed out. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat up, pulling one knee to his chest and resting his chin on it, a pitiful expression on his face. 

"What do I do then? How can I help him if he won't let me in?" he asked frustratedly. 

Tony thought for a moment, accepting the water bottles his armour had fetched for him and passing one to the sergeant. 

"Do you always sub?" he asked. 

 Bucky shook his head.

"So you switch then, okay. Changes things a little. Like I said I'm no expert but I think I know what you should do. I'm gonna hit the showers first though, then we'll get coffee yeah?" he suggested, standing and grabbing his gym bag. 

Bucky looked at him a little irritated but reluctantly agreed. He could use a shower as well, maybe he could convince Stark to buy him some fancy food...

"See you in a couple of hours," he called on his way out, heading straight towards the elevator for the shower on his own floor. 

Just 'cause he couldn't physically be with Steve at the moment didn't mean he liked being far away. Making his way down the hall to the bathroom Bucky considered knocking and checking on Steve. But as he paused by the door he heard voices. He couldn't work out what was being said but he could recognise both Sam and Natalia. 

At least Steve isn't staying completely alone...he thought, carrying on to the bathroom.  

* * *

 Steve?" Natasha called, knocking on his door and trying the handle. 

 Locked. 

"Steve, I know you're in there, Jarvis told me," she tried again, holding her finger up to her mouth when Sam opened his mouth. 

They heard movement within and thirty seconds later the door swung open to show Steve in sweatpants and a hoodie that somehow managed to be oversized. 

"Hey man, how ar-" Sam started.

"We're staging an intervention," Natasha interrupted. "What happened?" She demanded

Steve sighed, realising he wasn't getting out of this. 

 "Bucky used the safe word..." he mumbled, voice rough and gravely from under-use. 

Natasha's face softened, uncrossing her arms and taking his hand. He was resistant but he let her pull him into a hug, suddenly very grateful for the human contact. 

"I hate to break this up but, umm. When you say 'safe word' you mean in bed right? Like with kinky stuff?" Sam inquired, feeling a bit awkward given he was mostly very vanilla.

Steve flushed but nodded over Nat's shoulder, wrapping his arms impossibly tighter around her petite waist. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go and make you something healthy to eat, I'm guessing you haven't eaten much since I last saw you and if you did it came out of  a microwave..." Sam rambled a little, feeling very out of his comfort zone. 

"Something with pasta, Sam," Natasha advised, pulling away and gently pulling Steve toward the sofa by the window. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" she prompted, pulling his head into her shoulder and running her fingers through his hair despite it not being washed in three days. 

Simply and quickly as he could, Steve recited that awful night. He left out specific details but made sure he mentioned what Bucky told him the following morning. But no matter what he said Steve felt guilty. If not about the safe word then definitely about leaving him alone. That's not how he should have acted and he realises this now. 

It doesn't stop him feeling bad about it though.

"If Bucky says he's fine without being snappy or withdrawn then he's fine. Even if you can't forgive yourself yet just trust him in that. It will help you work through it," Natasha assured, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. 

"I'm gonna be honest with you though, doing this? Avoiding him? It's not how to deal with it," she said, soft but firm. 

"And it certainly isn't healthy. Sure you might not want to tie him down and split him in two anytime soon but that doesn't mean you can't sit and eat together, or watch a movie and cuddle. Spending time with him and seeing he really is okay will help," she paused, wandering if she should continue or if it would make things worse. 

"If anything, distancing yourself will hurt him more than saying 'no' to sex. Bucky would never push you like that," she concluded. 

Steve looked up at her with worried eyes, registering her words and processing them through. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad just to sit and chat about their day, or maybe hold hands across the table...

"I'm guessing I should probably shower then?" he asked with a grin, trying to ease the tension. 

"Eat first," Sam said from across the room, having heard the later part of their conversation.

 In his hand was a tray with three bowls and three glasses. 

"Chicken pasta salad and lemonade, should help get your energy up. I expect to see you running past me at least once tomorrow," Sam quipped, doing a much better job than Steve at making them laugh. 

"Sure thing Sam, thank you,"  Steve nodded, taking the offered bowl and tucking in.

"Okay, once you've showered we're gonna fill you in on the week you missed and then I think some internet shopping is in order," Natasha spoke between mouthfuls, a sneaky glint in her eye. 

"Sam, run, while you still can," Steve deadpanned, remembering the last time he saw that look. 

 He couldn't help the little grin however, spending only an hour with the two of them and he already felt better, less lonely and much more like himself.   
   

* * *

  
"Thank you again guys, I needed today even if I didn't know it. If you see Bucky can you let him know I'm out of hibernation?" Steve joked, already feeling nervous about his plans.

"Sure thing Steve, usual time in the morning?" Sam clarified, taking Steve's mind off his worries. 

"Yeah, I'll be there. Whoopin' yo ass," Steve mimicked, even waving his hand in a 'shoo' gesture. 

Sam and Natasha shook their heads, groaning at Steve. 

"Dude no, don't,"

"I think I preferred you without pop culture knowledge..."

Steve just grinned like the little shit he was and turned and walked away. It's not like it wasn't true, even at half speed he lapped Sam on their regular route.

The two of them left, feeling like today had been a success. Walking back out onto the common floor they bumped into Bucky, smiling softly with excitement in his eyes. 

"Hey James, Steve wanted us to tell you, he's out of hibernation. Not sure entirely what he means but he ate and showered so that's a plus," Natalia caught him with a hand to his elbow. 

"Also, I spoke to him and I think I got through, I don't know what you've been doing with Tony all day but if he's had any stupid suggestions I recommend you ignore them," she said more under her breath, watching his eyes intently, hoping they'd give something away.

Bucky just grinned again, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. 

"Thank you, for helping Steve, I appreciate it. And actually, Tony has been real helpful, he filled me in on loads of stuff me and Steve missed in our reading. I think I know how to help him now," he whispered, pecking her cheek and leaving her in a slightly stunned silence. 

Knowing Steve was up and about made this so much easier for Bucky, it meant that maybe he was ready to listen to what Bucky had to say which made things a thousand times easier. 

Striding out of the elevator, Bucky was met by a withdrawn but smiling Steve. In one hand was a bowl of popcorn and in the other was box set of BBC's 'Sherlock'. Bucky had been making vague comments about how great British TV was after they'd marathoned Doctor Who, and Steve knew how much of a nerd he was. 

"Peace offering?" Steve asked hopefully, jerking his head toward the sofa where loads of cushions had been spread in the perfect formation, with a rounded bit in the middle to fit two bodies.

"Yeah, Stevie. Sure," Bucky accepted, smiling even wider and kicking off his shoes.

 He took the box from Steve's hand and went to the TV to set it up. 

When he turned back, Steve was sat with his knees up, on one side of the pillow mound with the popcorn resting on a cushion in the middle. There was a very clear space for Bucky to sit in the other side. So it wasn't exactly cuddling but the way Steve's body leaned meant there would be contact, and Bucky was sure Steve's hand was open loosely around the bowl for a reason. 

"You want a drink?" Bucky asked, his palms feeling sweaty.  

Steve nodded and reached for the remote, setting it up. 

"Okay," he breathed, heading out to the kitchen and busying himself with the beers.

He didn't know why he was nervous. Tony assured him Steve would be okay with the plan. Although then it was Stark, so who knew but he sounded serious and only took the piss three times.

When he got back Steve was settled under a large blanket, the TV paused at the start. With a small smile Steve accepted the bottle and lifted the other half of the blanket for Bucky to slide in under. He mirrored Steve's position, their arms pressed together, Bucky's knuckles grazing Steve's. The sniper in him noticed a tiny flinch but apart from that Steve seemed comfortable. 

Without another word they started watching, an hour and a half later and Bucky was hooked. You couldn't wipe the smile from his face if you tried. 

"When did you buy this Stevie?" Bucky asked, taking his hand instinctively. 

Thankfully, Steve didn't pull away, just tightened the hold and pressed closer. Bucky felt his whole body warm up and his heart swell. 

"Sam and Natasha came by, we had a chat and then we got express delivery. Do you like it?" he questioned, moving the now empty popcorn bowl to the table. 

"Oh my god Steve I love it!" Bucky exclaimed excitedly. "I mean, like how could the taxi driver do that. Serial suicides! Can we watch more? I need to know who Moriarty is! How could you know I would like this so much! And his accent... Ugh, it makes me melt. Thank you so much Stevie, thank you!" 

Then, without thinking, Bucky pressed his lips to Steve's. The blonde pulled away instantly but didn't move away entirely. Their noses still brushed together and Bucky could almost hear the internal struggle Steve was having. 

To save him the trouble, Bucky pulled back and began to take his hand back. He found he was stopped though, Steve just held on tighter and shook his head Bucky frowned at him. 

"So, now might be a good time to mention I went for coffee with Stark today..." he blurted, unable to slow his heart. 

"Jarvis did mention you were out earlier," Steve mumbled, picking at the fluff on the blanket, not meeting Bucky's eyes. 

"I'm, err, sorry...about the kiss, I got carried away and I pushed the boundaries. Won't happen again," he promised, squeezing the blonde's hand for good measure. 

A couple of moments passed before Bucky realised Steve wasn't going to answer, so he decided to tell Steve what Tony had explained to him, just in less detail. 

"Um, so- urr. Aha..." Bucky stumbled over his words, running his metal fingers through his hair anxiously. 

He decided to jump in at the deep end.

"Have you ever heard of Dom-drop, or top-drop?" he began, expecting the shake of Steve's head.

"Okay, good, neither had I," he takes a deep breath, turning and meeting Steve's eyes. "Basically, when a scene is intense or something happens which normally doesn't then either the sub or the Dom, or both I suppose, can start to feel low. With the sub it's often anxiety, and loneliness, and and feeling like they haven't proved themselves to their Dom. Dom-drop is similar only its they feel they've let their sub down, or hurt them. While feeling like shit they feel quite guilty about whatever happened,"

"I know you're probably not gonna be happy about this but hear me out. I spoke to Tony about what happened, nothing in detail but enough for him to catch on," he explained quickly, trying to defuse the terrified look on Steve's face.

"Anyway, he thinks that's what you're going through. Dom-drop. He explained to me what happens and what triggers it but it was kinda lengthy and I switched off for half of it. But then he got into how to help, and I think it's gonna work,"

"I'm gonna pitch you an idea Stevie and you can say no. Or, if you think most is okay then we can negotiate. Whatever works. You good?" he checked in much like he would in the bedroom.

He hoped Steve didn't take it that way.

"Yeah Buck, I'm okay, anything that stops us being apart any longer," he whispered, tugging the cushion away and shifting closer, so that his and Bucky's thighs now shared heat. 

The brunette couldn't help the wide smile that spread across his face, thankful that he wasn't the only one missing his other half. 

"Okay, so at first he suggested something I'm not even going to repeat, but after that he spoke sense. The first thing he said I should do is talk to you, make you aware of Dom-drop and its effects as apparently that's the first way to combat it. Then he said it would be baby steps, much like this actually-" he held up their joined hands.

"Starting small. Things like holding hands, cuddling, casual touches. And then once you're comfortable moving on to kissing and more intimate touches. You get where I'm going?"

"Eventually it will grow and everything gets more heated as you get more comfortable. And before you know it we're at it like rabbits again. I won't ever push you Steve. And I'll always ask before I try something more. If you tell me no, or to stop doing something you said yes to then I will back off immediately. I just wanna help you and make you feel better, I've missed you Stevie," he wavered, bringing their joined hands to his mouth, waiting for the tiny nod before pressing tiny kisses to each knuckle. 

Steve smiled softly, waiting for Bucky to let his hand back down before placing it over his shoulder and tucking himself into Bucky's side. 

"I really like that idea Bucky. Thank you," Steve beamed, very almost pressing a kiss to Bucky's jaw, but holding back as he didn't want to seem too forward. 

Instead, he started the next episode of Sherlock, wrapping an arm around Bucky's waist instead. 

Bucky bit his tongue to hold in the tiny sob, swallowing it down an favour of cuddling closer to Steve. Even if they never got further than this Bucky would be happy, he wouldn't need anything more so long as he could be close to his Stevie.


	4. Day 1-5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to up the chapter count as I've changed my mind on the plan. Originally this chapter was going to build up the intimacy and Steve's limits but then when I got writing I realised that it would be a 10k chapter with 2/3k chapters either side. I don't want that. so now I'm going to break it up into lots of much shorter chapters but hopefully with a more regular update. they will go from day to day that Bucky writes marking important steps forward in their plan (from last chapter) eventually this will stop and it will go back to the normal 3rd person format (unless people really like it) with the final two chapters, those are hopefully gonna be the best.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)   
> (massive thank you to my super awesome beta - star-spangles-bucky-barnes)

 

_Day 1: 4.00am_

_Writing this down may be the worst idea I ever had and I need to figure out if I tell Steve or not but my therapist suggested a diary to help with my feelings. Currently they're being a pain in the ass._

_It's the ass crack of dawn in the morning and I'm awake and alone. It's been a week since my suggestion to Stevie and tonight was the first night he agreed to sharing a room again. Clearly he didn't want to stick around or I would be asleep right now._

 

Bucky paused when he heard movement. A shadow slicing the light in the gap under the door.

 

_Steve's going somewhere, so at least he isn't sleeping either. But the stubborn ass isn't the open book everyone liked to believe, I'm gonna' be the one who has to bring it up. Great._

 

Bucky shut the little notepad, tucking the pen away on the cover before shoving it to the back of his personal drawer, somewhere hopefully Steve wouldn't look. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, mentally preparing for what he was going to say before joining Steve, wherever he was.   


 

"Ughhhh," Bucky groaned out loud, reaching for his _(Captain America)_ dressing gown and pulling it on frustratedly. 

 

He knew it wasn't Steve's fault, and he was trying to be understanding but he hadn't been sleeping well alone and he was sexually frustrated because he refused to do it alone, and the last missions death toll was higher than it should have been. Everything was just turning to shit. 

 

_And now Bucky was crying!_

 

"Fuck," he hissed, sniffing and wiping at his eyes frantically, trying not to let it take over. 

 

"Buck?" he heard Steve choke out, having opened the door and seen Bucky clutching his hair with one hand and wiping his eyes with the other. 

 

"Eerr, hey, Steve hi," Bucky mumbled, sniffing and trying to hide his distress. 

 

He stood from where he'd crumpled to the floor and walked over to Steve, waiting for the blonde to step aside so he could go and get a drink. Only Steve didn't move, he looked down at Bucky with intense, concerned eyes.   


"Bucky, what is it?" he whispered tersely, frown deepening.

 

"Bad dream," Bucky lied bluntly, pushing his way past Steve and down the corridor to the kitchen. 

 

He heard Steve follow but he didn't care, he didn't acknowledge it because he wouldn't hold it together very well. He understood what Steve needed, he knew what happened wasn't that bad in the grand scheme of things but his sleep deprived brain was refusing to let him act rationally. 

 

He knew he was banging around, slamming the glass down and turning the water on somewhat aggressively. Steve was watching him as though he didn't know him, torn between reaching out to stop him and backing away to let Bucky work it out for himself. 

 

"Bucky, what the hell?" 

 

Intervening won out. 

 

"This isn't a bad dream causing this. You scream from nightmares, I would have heard you," Steve countered, blocking Bucky from going back to bed. 

 

"You would have heard me if you were there," Bucky muttered bitterly, unable to hold back. 

 

Even though he didn't wake from a nightmare. 

 

"What? Is this because I left?" Steve asked, realisation dawning on him. 

 

Bucky swallowed and grit his teeth, he wasn't about to lie. But he was refusing to meet Steve's eyes. 

 

"It wasn't even a nightmare. I just can't sleep without you by my side," he admitted, in clipped tones. 

 

Steve's hands came up to cup Bucky's cheeks, forcing their eyes to meet. Bucky couldn't help the small whimper that escaped from the contact. Fresh tears filled his eyes as his emotions got frazzled and his heart leapt into his mouth. 

 

"Oh Bucky, I'm sorry," Steve sighed, wiping away the stray tear that escaped. "I did have a dream, a nice one. A too nice one, if you catch my drift," Steve smiled shyly, moving one hand down to rest on his neck. "I woke up hard and got a little anxious. So I left and took care of it. I'm not quite ready for that, yet. I should have come back to you but I felt kinda ashamed. I should have considered you too though, I'm sorry." he explained.   


_And now Bucky felt like dick._

 

"No, no don't be sorry," Bucky whined, covering Steve's hand with his own to make sure he didn't let go. "I just don't sleep well alone anymore and it's kinda catching up to me. I'm exhausted, everything is sorta' combusting into a huge mess and I can't think straight anymore," Bucky bit his lip when he realised he was crying again, small sobs spilling free as the tears down his face. 

 

"Oh Buck, come here..." Steve whispered, wrapping strong arms around Bucky's shoulders and holding him close as he let the last months of emotions out. 

 

Bucky cried for a while, letting Steve hold and protect him. At some point the glass fell from his hand but somehow didn't smash, it just coated their feet in icy water but neither moved nor cared. Bucky just let the exhaustion leak out of his eyes and he clung to the affection Steve was giving him like it was his only life support. 

 

He took a while to calm down. The gentle swaying from side to side and the hand rubbing up and down his back prevented it from being twice as long however. Even after he'd stopped crying they just held on to each other, content in the warmth the other provided. 

 

"Thank you," Bucky breathed into Steve's ear. "I didn't know I needed this," he added carefully, not wanted to push any boundaries. 

 

"Will you be able to sleep if I'm awake?" Steve asked, unsure of himself. 

 

"Yeah, but you don't need to do that for me, I'll be fine. If it makes you uncomfortable then I'll take some of the sleeping pills I was prescribed," Bucky reasoned, pulling back just enough to look Steve fully in the eye. 

 

"You said they don't work. Anyway, I'll be getting up again in a couple of hours to go running with Sam. We'll just have to go to bed earlier tomorrow night," Steve countered, a look in his eye that said he wasn't budging, no matter how hard Bucky tried. 

 

Bucky swallowed, looking down at Steve's mouth and then back to his eyes. Nodding, he moved forward slow enough for Steve to pull away. Only he didn't. Bucky was met half way when soft lips pressed to his own in a polite, but tender, kiss. 

 

After ten seconds Steve pulled away. Bucky was both ecstatic and disappointed, while it was more than he could have hoped for after so long, he would always want more. He was greedy like that, he wanted all of Steve all the time. 

 

Steve pulled away completely then, taking Bucky's hand and pulling him back to the bedroom. Slowly, Steve helped Bucky ditch the dressing gown and get back into bed, laying slightly upright against the headboard and pulling Bucky down to rest on his clothed chest. 

 

It was nice, Bucky was laying on his left arm so that the right wouldn't go numb, and he could feel Steve's heartbeat. It wasn't racing so he was relaxed. _Good._  


 

Feeling a little selfish, but also wanting the assurance, Bucky slipped his hand just under the hem of Steve's shirt, resting it over the solid muscle. It tensed briefly but soon relaxed again.

 

Bucky went to sleep with a smile on his face. 

 

 

_Day 1  9:30am_

 

_I'm awake earlier than I want to be but I got 4 and a half hours. More than I have in a while so I'm feeling pretty good._

_That and Steve kissed me!_

_Well, I kissed him but he didn't immediately pull away. This might not take as long as I'd originally thought. Hopefully the more things we do the more comfortable he'll be._

_Maybe not, maybe I'm just being optimistic but still._

_Steve's out right now so I have time to sort myself out with a cold shower. After Steve left my mind tried to make up for the loss by giving me images of him jerking off._

_Weird how I thought about writing before my boner..._

 

_Day 5 5:40 pm_

 

_This is harder than originally anticipated. Since the night he kissed me Steve's become a little more distant. He even sleeps with a pillow barrier between us, which means we both get to sleep through the night but it also means there's no risk of one dry humping the other through a wet dream._

_We still cuddle though so that's good. Steve seems to be very comfortable with cuddling. He even kisses my neck and stuff but won't go any higher. It's frustrating but I said we'd go at his pace so that's what's going to happen._

_At the moment he's sparring with Natasha, although that's regular for them, it's even my designated cooking time slot. The pasta bake is, well, baking as I write._

_Maybe tonight I'll try kissing him again, more than just small pecks or the press of lips on lips like last time. A bit of movement would be nice but then if Steve isn't ready I won't force him. Maybe he's just waiting for me to instigate it?_

 

The timer went off and Bucky got up to get the dish from the oven. At the same time Steve strolled into the apartment. Bucky saw him eyeing the notebook and it was all he could do not to drop the pasta before rushing over and slamming it shut. 

 

Steve gave a slightly hurt look but shook it away, deciding instead to go and serve up the food. 

 

"Steve, I'm sorry, that was...rude," Bucky hesitated, unsure if he should tell Steve anything or just enough to get by. "Um, my therapist suggested I write in a diary to help me sort through my emotions without them getting complicated. At the moment it's kinda awkward and I- it's not that I don't trust you-of course I trust you- I just don't, can't, have that part of me- I don't want you reading it," he babbled, eyes on the ground, both embarrassed and ashamed at his actions.

 

"Hey Buck?" Steve asked, suddenly in front of him. he tipped Bucky's head up with one finger. "It's okay, I don't mind. I was just surprised is all. Diaries are supposed to be private, I have one I use from time to time. I'm not gonna' read it unless you explicitly tell me to," Steve assured, squeezing his hand in a form of general contact he'd done a lot over the last few days. 

 

-

 

Once dinner was eaten and the dishes put away, the two super soldiers curled into one another under a fluffy blanket in front of 'Finding Nemo'. 

 

Tony had suggested the team write a list of movies each and then pass them on for Bucky and Steve to watch. There was at least one Pixar movie on each so they decided they'd just watch them all. 'Toy Story' and 'Monsters Inc.' had both been great so they had high hopes. 

 

Halfway through, Bucky began nuzzling in Steve's neck, pressing small kisses up by his earlobe the way he always liked. 

 

Steve gasped but didn't pull away, if anything he tilted his head to give Bucky more room. Technically he was breaking his rule of asking first but Steve had been doing this for the past week, he figured it was fair game. 

 

"I want to kiss you again Steve," he stated, looking up into Steve's eyes so he could watch for any doubt. 

 

"Then why are you waiting?" Steve questioned, in a low rough voice. 

 

His eyes were bright and trusting, there was the fainted flicker of worry but it lasted about half a second before heat took over. Bucky grinned, taking that as a 'go ahead' and leaning up. Steve waited for their lips to be brushing before closing them around Bucky's. He closed his eyes and shut down any protests his brain was making. _This was nice, Bucky was enjoying it, he was okay._  


 

Carefully, he began to move his lips against the brunette's, tilting his head just so, making them fit comfortably. The feel of Bucky's lips was heavenly, he had missed them a lot and now he could kiss them all he wanted.   


 

Feeling brave, Steve brushed his tongue over Bucky's lower lip. The other man opened instantly, waiting for Steve's advances before letting his tongue explore.

 

It really warmed his heart how much Bucky was considering him in all this, the poor man must be so tightly wound if his reactions to this were anything to go by. Bucky was moaning lightly, sucking Steve's lip and nibbling it, generally toying with Steve's tongue. Just enjoying it really. Lack of contact made a man needy.   


 

Neither got to see how the film ended, they were both too busy making out to pay attention. It was Disney so Nemo's dad was guaranteed to find him. They felt and probably looked like teenagers but it didn't matter. It felt nice and they were both happy, relaxing into feeling and letting emotions pour out through actions. Bucky could almost cry with how happy it was making him.   


 

And Steve, well, Steve realised maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.


	5. Day 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky take a huge leap forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry it's been a while. I'm trying to write as fast as I can but life is getting the way. please do let me know if you like the diary format that I'm using so I know if I should continue with it. This is a bit shorter than i'd like but its only one day so that's cool, enjoy! :)

_Day 10  5:50pm_

_  
I forgot how much I loved kissing Steve. Like I really love it. He tastes so sweet. And his lips are soft. And his tongue feels so good against mine. I can't even write down how good it is. No words._

_Anyway, three days later and Steve is kinda' getting handsy. At first it was his palm on my cheek, I'd missed that too. Then on my waist. I felt so warm and content with him there, so much happier than I had been even before this started._

_So far I've been letting him dictate things, no touching any more than he was. Just this morning I woke up with him tucked under my arm. The pillow barrier was thrown to the floor._

_And then while we waited for our lunch to cook (pizza!!!) he let his thumbs brush over my nipples, not on bare skin but it still fired me up like a flame thrower or something._

_I might try the same tonight, see if he'll straddle me while I roam my hands all over his beautiful body._

_Ugh, fuck! Now I need to take a cold shower again.  
_  
-

"I don't see why we put on films we actually wanna' watch anymore Buck, we never end up watching it," Steve said with a small grin, looking at Bucky from the other end of the sofa, his feet being massaged in Bucky's lap. 

"I know...never did find out if Woody and everyone got back to Andy. I mean I'm assuming they do 'cause there's a third one but still," Bucky agreed thoughtfully, pressing his thumb into Steve's instep. 

"Hhmmm, you know I love the way you do that. Are you looking for more kisses?" Steve teased, prodding his thigh with his other foot. 

Bucky's automatic response would usually be  _'I'm always looking for more kisses'._  But he was still toeing the line of too much and not enough when it came to affection. 

Instead, he opted for "only if you wanna' give them to me." While still relaxed there was a seriousness that Steve valued. 

Smiling heatedly and with blown pupils, Steve sat up and reached for Bucky's collar. 

"Well, why don't you come and find out what I'm willing to give?" he whispered huskily, pulling Bucky down to lay over him. 

"You sure doll? We don't have to, whatever you want," Bucky reassured, knowing he would punish himself if he ever let himself get carried away. 

"Not all the way yet, I don't think I'm ready but I think I'm ready for more. There's only so many cold showers a guy can have Buck. Even if we just come in our pants I want it, tonight," he proclaimed honestly, tucking one leg over Bucky's to keep him there. 

"Okay," Bucky mouthed, slightly astounded. 

Steve laughed, tucking hair behind Bucky's ear and leaning in, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Don't worry Buck, if I'm not comfortable then I'll ask you to stop. But I'm ninety-nine percent sure I'm gonna enjoy this," Steve promised, moving his hips back an forth against Bucky's to get them both in the mood. 

"That's one percent less than I'd like but I'll take what I can get," Bucky said breathlessly. 

Not wasting any more time Bucky leaned in and pressed their lips together. Kissing slow and deep had been something he'd really come to enjoy over the past few days so that's what he opted for in this instance. 

Steve's hands were on his hips just under his shirt, gripping and grazing his nails over the bone and driving Bucky wild. There was no way Steve couldn't feel how excited he was right now. 

Slowly, Bucky lowered himself down from where he was hovering on his hands to resting on his elbows. Like this, Steve didn't have to strain up so much and could relax against the cushions. It also meant that they were pressed together from their chests down to their thighs, and Bucky freaking loved it. 

His dick was finally getting some much needed attention and it was entirely reciprocated in Steve, who was now shifting his hips around against Bucky's. 

Having been abstinent for just over two weeks, the minimal amount of movement was almost too much for Bucky, he could feel everything in the tightness of his pants and if he wasn't careful he would blow his load before even ten minutes had passed. They would end up watching the movie this time.

Bucky didn't really want that to be honest. He wanted this to last. He'd missed this. But at the same time Steve was enjoying himself and wasn't freaking out, which was really great. And Bucky didn't want to stop him when things were going so well. 

Bucky's hands had migrated to Steve's hair, carding his fingers through it and tugging gently in a way Bucky remembered he enjoyed. 

At the same time Steve's hands began sliding down past the waistband of his sweatpants, where he had foregone underwear after his shower. A surge of panic flooded through him fearing Steve would think he was being too forward. Instead the blonde underneath him just grinned and pushed them down past his ass, letting his flushed cock free. 

"I've missed this," Steve muttered between kisses, squeezing Bucky's ass and then roaming his hands up under his shirt to play with his nipples, teasing and toying with his thumb nails. 

Bucky shivered and shifted onto one elbow, bringing his hand down over Steve's crotch and rubbing up and down. 

Steve's hips stuttered upwards into Bucky's hand and he let out a little breathless laugh. 

"So have I," Bucky agreed, rubbing his hand up and down his body so he became familiar with the touch. 

"I want more," Steve said, momentarily removing his hands from Bucky's body to pull himself free from his pants, catching Bucky's hand and drawing it to rest over his shaft. 

Bucky resisted, even though Steve was in control he wanted to be sure. 

"Steve, really? You're not doing it because you think I want to, right? I can wait, you know that I can wait and will wait for you," he rambled, really testing his restraint, he could feel how hot Steve was. 

"One. Hundred. Per. Cent," Steve punctuated each word to make sure Bucky got the picture.

He also pushed his hips up into his waiting flesh hand, not allowing him to chicken out and force them both into another cold shower.

"Oh god I love you," Bucky gasped, wrapping his hand around Steve's shaft and gently tugging, marvelling at how Steve's mouth opened and eyes slipped shut in bliss. 

Bucky couldn't resist sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and teasing with his teeth. As his mouth was currently occupied, Steve simply brought his hand towards Bucky's pink head, hesitating only slightly before mirroring Bucky's actions. The brunette groaned loudly at the contact, unable to prevent his hips thrusting into his hand. He felt Steve smile and pick up the pace, growing in confidence. 

"Steve," Bucky rasped "Stevie, slow down doll. It's been a while and I'll come very soon if you don't slow down. I don't want this to be over yet," he mumbled against Steve's lips. 

The blonde simply grinned wider, twisting and curling his hands exactly the way he knows Bucky likes. 

"Oh fuck you," Bucky growled, accepting his fate and letting the heat build. 

  
He didn't speed up his own attention to Steve, however, he was going to suggest something and hoped that Steve would agree. 

"Mmmm, oh god, Steve," Bucky moaned, resting his forehead on Steve's shoulder. 

"Go on Bucky, you deserve this. You've been so patient with me and I love you so much," Steve praised, in his ear, coaxing Bucky right to the edge and the tumbling through as a silent, but powerful, orgasm rocked through his lover. 

Steve stroked lazily up and down Bucky's back as he came down from his endorphin high. Bucky smiled and tried to catch his breath, he almost felt like crying but he wouldn't let Steve know, that could completely turn the situation on its head. 

"You always did know how to get me going," Bucky drawled, pushing himself up to look down at Steve. 

"Now, give me a minute to clean up and I'll return the favour?" he asked, wetting his lips slowly and hoping Steve would get the message. 

"Y-yeah. Sure. Hurry," Steve breathed, using his come covered hand to stroke himself and keep himself interested. 

Giving him a quick kiss before climbing off the sofa and rushing to the bedroom. In all honesty he didn't need to clean up, maybe change his sweats but nothing else. Bucky just needed a few minutes to calm himself and sort out his current feelings. 

_Day 10 9:28pm_

Okay so Steve jerked me off and seemed to agree to me blowing him. 

Fuck! I cant mess this up, I need to tread carefully or we could go back to a pillow barrier. I hate that fucking thing. 

It was brief but Bucky was glad he'd written it down, maybe there really was something to it after all. 

Nearly forgetting to swap his pants, Bucky returned to Steve. The blonde was now sat upright with his legs spread wide, his hand lazily stroking over a wet, shining shaft. 

"Oh fuck Stevie, you're a picture," Bucky said, stopping between Steve's legs and dropping to his knees. "If you just want my hand then I can wait to taste you, whatever's comfortable,"  Bucky assured yet again, not hesitating to replace Steve's hand with his own.   


  
"I want your mouth, Buck. Don't give me time to over think. If we don't keep going forward then we'll get stuck on level one. And I don't want to stay there," Steve said in a low, gravely voice. 

"Alright then babydoll, don't worry I'll go slow," he promised, taking hold of Steve's hand and sucking the fingers clean of his own cream. 

Steve's eyes darkened further, burning deep into Bucky's. Once he finished cleaning the beautiful slender fingers, Bucky pressed kisses to his lovers hips, gradually getting closer to his goal. 

Bucky honestly couldn't contain the happiness inside, his stomach was full of butterflies, the good kind though. Not wanting to wait any longer, Bucky wrapped his lips around Steve's head, teasing the slit with his tongue. Steve moaned loudly, sliding his fingers into Bucky's hair. 

Everything Bucky knows about Steve and blowjobs he used, alternating between taking Steve to the hilt and just teasing the head. It drove Steve wild, being given so much and then so little within a short space of time. 

"Fuck, Bucky. I've missed this so, so much, I am never going to deny you this ever again. My god your mouth is divine," Steve proclaimed, his hips unintentionally thrusting up into Bucky's mouth. 

Sensing an urgency, Bucky picked up the pace, using his hand to stroke the lower half and his mouth on the top half. It didn't take long for Steve's hand to tighten in his hair. His cock became impossibly harder in his mouth and his pulse became more erratic. 

With a cry of his name, Steve came down Bucky's throat. The hot liquid coated his mouth and the salty flavour that was entirely Steve excited his taste buds. He waited until Steve had calmed down a little before pulling away, making sure he was clean. 

"Thank you Steve," Bucky whispered, pressing kisses from one hip to the other. 

"I love you, I'm sorry I made you wait," he panted, tucking stray strands of hair behind Bucky's ear again. 

"I don't care about that. I'm just happy you're comfortable enough now," Bucky said honestly, leaning up and kissing Steve deeply. 

"C'mon, let's go to bed," Steve suggested, standing and helping Bucky to his feet. "Maybe I'll even ditch the boxers tonight," he grinned, pulling a grinning Bucky to the bedroom, removing his sweats and boxers and sliding in under the covers. 

"Well what're you waiting for, you've worn me out and I'm not going to sleep until I have you in my arms," he said sleepily, tugging the covers away and patting the spot beside him. 

"You, Steven Rogers, will be the death of me," Bucky concluded with a chuckle, stripping down completely and curling up under Steve's arm, cozy and content. 

Words didn't need to be said that night. They'd both taken a huge step forward and it was successful. 

Hopefully that success would continue in the future. 


	6. Day 11 - Avengers Outing Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Fury thinks that the team need to bond... And sending to a public place with lots and lots of people is the way to do it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't apologise more for how long this has taken, real life screwed me over yet again and I started a new part of education that has taken up a whole lot more of my time. That and I've had absolutely no inspiration whatsoever. Thanks to a few comments I've been encouraged to complete the second half of this. It doesn't have every thing I want in it and I have a feeling many of you will be disappointed with how it goes but its a longer chapter then the last two so I'm hoping that make sup for it. Thank you for sticking around!

_Day 11 - 7 o'clock in the fucking morning, why!_

_So Natasha and Fury thought it would be a good idea to suggest we take a team outing. To a theme park of all places. With screaming, and loud bangs, and rides that are designed to screw with you. Why they thought this would be a good idea is beyond me but apparently they now count me as part of the team and I'm obliged to go._

_Hey, at least we won't have to wait in queues thanks to Stark. (And the Avengers I guess but he's the one with all the money...)_

_Steve treated me to a wake up hand-job while he rutted against me. I almost got hard again when he brought his hand to his mouth and licked it clean of my come._

_Aaaaaannnddd now he's watching me from the doorway. Arms crossed and a sly grin on his face. God damn he is so gorgeous, the sun is shining just right and making him look like my own personal angel sent to me._

_Jesus that was sappy._

 

"Hey Steve." Bucky snapped the book shut as Steve began striding into the room. He touched his little notepad back into its place in the draw.

"You don't need to rush to hide it like that, while I'm curious I'm not going to read it. It's private. I wouldn't want you to read the one I use once in a blue moon. Besides, I'd rather keep kissing you."

As he spoke, Steve gradually settled himself over Bucky's lap on the bed where he had been writing. He was perched on Bucky's knees with his own either side of Bucky's hips.

He leant in and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss, teasing open Bucky's mouth with his tongue. The brunette couldn't help the little muffled moan that escaped his lips, he really would not ever get enough of kissing Steven Rogers.

When he pulled away Steve was smiling with amusement in his eyes, he looked down to their laps and smirked at the evident bulge in his jeans.

"So soon? Bucky it's only been-" he looks at his wrist, even though there was no watch there, and continued. "-an hour. It's almost as though your body's just discovered testosterone." He teased, short circuiting Bucky's mind by sliding his hand below his waistband and taking hold.

"C-can't help it. Your just so damn sexy." _Especially with your growing confidence_ , he didn't add.

"Let's see if I can get you off in record time hmm?" Steve whispered, unbuckling Bucky's jeans and freeing him, rubbing his thumb around the head to smear the pre-come, pulling slightly back to spit in his hand.

"Y-yeh, I'm up f-for that..." Bucky stammered breathlessly, leaning forward to catch the blondes lips in his own once again... 

* * *

"Steve! James! Hurry up! What the hell is taking you so long, we got Jarvis to wake you up with time to spare." Natasha's voice rang from their living room through to their bedroom where Bucky had only just finished changing his shirt.

"I've not seen you come that hard in a while, was it the pressure? Were you worried about being late?" Steve commented, a teasing grin on his face.

"No, was just nice that's all." Bucky grumbled in response, trying (and failing) to force the blush into submission.

"Sure, whatever you say." Steve grabbed a jacket for them both and then laced his fingers through Bucky's. "We'd better leave now or Natasha with literally drag us out."

Bucky sighed, letting Steve be the one to drag him was better than a scary Russian assassin.

"C'mon Buck, it'll be fun. I'll even let you use your sniper skills to win me a teddy or something." Steve promised, leaning closer into Bucky to try and cheer him up.

"Steve. We're loaded, I could just buy you a teddy." He complained, hiding his anxieties under irritation and general grumpiness. Unfortunately for Bucky: Steve could read him like a book.

The blonde stopped them just before they reached the living room, where Natasha was holding the elevator for them. "Everything's gonna be fine Buck, none of us are effected by the exact same things so the chances of us all being out of action at any one time is like, what a million to 1? 10 million?" He brought his thumb up to smooth the frown between his eyebrows. "Everyone on the team will be there. If one of us gets hit with a flashback or anything then there will always be someone to help us out of it. You've been doing great recently, if something does happen then it's no biggie. We've dealt with it before we can deal with it again. I love you." He added for good measure.

Shoulders sagging, Bucky stepped in for a quick reassuring hug before leaving. "Thank you. I love you too." He spoke against the strong heartbeat of Captain America, letting it ease his fears.

 

* * *

"Remind me again why we're doing this?" Clint asked with a disinterested tone.

"Because we only spend time together during movie nights, and even then it's usually only 4 or 5 of us at a time." Natasha remarked, shoving a half-asleep Tony into the backseat of the limo, the only car that would fit them all without it being a bus.

"Fury and Coulson got in touch, apparently our last few battles have been a bit disorganised, people not following orders and such." She closed the door with a frustrated sigh.

"They said we need to do an 'Avengers outing' to help us bond more. One that doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol-" she gave a particularly pointed glare at Tony, and then over to Thor, remembering a night a few months ago that no one else can.

Tony pouted like a child and pulled his knees up to his chin, resting his head in them and trying to go back to sleep.

Much to everyone's surprise, Thor reached into the pocket of his red velvet jacket and pulled out a little flask containing what can only be the Asgardian liquor that only Natasha could handle. He handed it over to Natasha with a sheepish smile, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Really? Do you always carry some of that around or is it just special occasions?" Sam questioned, amused.

"I- well, umm..." Thor stammered, running a hand over his chin and attempting a smile, it looking more pained than anything else.

"Never mind, not important. Coulson has given me a short list of rules along with our trip to the theme park." Nat pulled a folded sheet of paper from her pocket and everyone groaned; Bucky dropping his head onto Steve's shoulder.

"Number 1:" She started sarcastically. "No excessive public displays of affection." She looked over to Bucky and Steve, who simultaneously held up their hands in a 'surrender' gesture.

"Number 2: no public displays of nudity." Again she looked at Tony and Thor, and then over to Clint, remembering a particular gala not that long ago.

"Number 3: and this one actually makes sense, always stay in pairs or more, if anything happens we don't want you alone having to deal with it, or for members of the public to get involved. It's none of their business."

Steve nudged Bucky and smiled, a silent 'I told you so' showing that they would be safe.

"Number 4:" Natasha continued, now sounding extremely bored. "Being in public will undoubtedly cause interest, it seems like every day there's hundreds of new photos of Steve in a ludicrously tight shirt jogging in the morning. So you are allowed to spend a maximum of ten minutes at a time engaging with people? and there must be at least an hour and half gap between? What the fuck Phil?" She rolled her eyes and almost tore the sheet.

"These rules are ridiculous. Steve literally can't help himself." She exclaimed, turning back and quickly reading over the rest seeing if there is anything worth mentioning.

"Okay, basic gist: don't go anywhere alone, don't spend all your time with the public, nothing the paparazzi will cream over, when we get there find a specific meeting point in case of an emergency, and finally 'have fun'."

Everyone gave general noises of agreement and settled down for the long journey. 

* * *

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Tony was now fully awake and irritating everyone to no end. He was poking at the nearest person, who just so happened to be Clint.

"Shut the fuck up, yes we're here!" Clint chimed, slapping away his hand irritatedly.

"Yaaaay!" He cheered, jumping out of the limo before it have even completely stopped and taking in his surroundings. They had been given express entry into the private carpark of 'Hero-kingdom'.

"I'm sorry, how old are you?" Sam inquired sarcastically, following the others out of the door, once it was safely still that is.

"I'm not going to justify that with an answer, what kind of man doesn't enjoy a theme park?" Tony responded gleefully, practically buzzing with excitement.

"One who grew up in a circus." Clint mumbled to himself, forcing a smile.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, we just need to stick in groups. Although I think we should all go on a couple of the big ones together so the press have something to print." Natasha suggested, making her way into the main park.

"Agreed." Steve chimed in, taking Bucky's hand on instinct. The metal fingers curled around his own and Bucky tucked himself into Steve's side with an elated grin. Today would be fine as long as they had each other.

One by one they passed through the revolving security gate and received wrist bands allowing them full access. Tony, well StarkIndustries, were funding the trip and sponsored the park. That and news of their trip had undoubtedly got out and would have brought in a lot of guests just to get a glimpse of the Avengers not in uniform. (Which was a little stupid as everyone knew Steve went running in Central Park and could see him for free, but then they didn't get to talk to him.)

Even from the gates the screams were loud and piercing, most of the team frowned and suppressed anything they were feeling, knowing there was no real danger. Thor was probably the most stable out of all of them, and that's saying something.

"I vote we start on the Thunder Hawk!" Clint cried, already making his way through people to the VIP pass, which had a couple of people waiting. His mood had completely changed since leaving, going from mildly grumpy to genuinely excited in a matter of seconds. It was probably to do with the name.

"That man has no sense of self preservation." Bucky chimed in, seeing Natasha take a big calming breath before following after. The crowds of people instantly parted to let the team through, like the Red Sea for Moses. Phones came out and the tell-tale sound of computer generated camera shutters filled the air.

Bucky instantly clung onto Steve, tightening his hold and gripping Steve's shirt with his flesh hand. Not only had Steve had practice with the press, he was famous for doing good deeds and being a hero. Bucky was still proving to people he was with the Avengers and not secretly infiltrating them as a HYDRA agent. It was still difficult to be under such scrutiny for him.

"Just smile the way you used to when hitting on dames and you'll be fine." Steve whispered into his ear, breath hot and smelling faintly of strawberries. Trying to relax, Bucky let Steve's shirt go and squared his shoulders; he painted a broad smile on his face. It seemed to please the public, especially a few groups of girls who started giggling all high pitched and embarrassed when he winked in their direction.

"Perfect." Steve praised, pressing a kiss onto his cheek. Thankfully they were in the queue and under shelter now so no one could really see the blush that radiated across his face.

They didn't have to wait long for the next train to come along, being VIP and all. Naturally, Clint and Thor decided that the front would be the best, leaving the rest of the team to fill in behind. It was pairs so Steve and Bucky went second, Tony and Natasha third, leaving Sam on his own. Bruce had decided not to come as he didn't want to risk the Hulk around so many people.

That and if there was a code green, the Hulk kind of did his own thing, a few key words from the Captain was all he needed to know who to fight, he didn’t need to be part of the team bonding. Bruce got on with everybody as well, he was there for most movie nights with some Indian food that everyone couldn't get enough of. He really was a precious member of the Avengers and he'd benefit from the peace and quiet that the tower would provide without them being there.

The ride went very quickly, various loops and turns and barrel rolls had the team laughing their assess off. Especially with the photo at the end. Most of the team had longer hair so there was a lot of windswept looks after. They all got a key ring.

 

* * *

 After a few rides they decided to split up; Steve with Bucky, Clint with Natasha, and Sam, Thor and Tony.

They spent the next few hours traipsing around the theme park, going from ride to ride, stall to stall and from shop to shop for Steve and Bucky, the adrenaline rush making them constantly hungry and in want of sickly sweet and greasy goods.

_12:28, Candy floss is god's gift, I've stocked up._

Eventually they all met up around mid-afternoon, mainly to discard any winnings of cuddly toys or fake dart guns into the boot of the limo. All but Tony.

"What did the rules say? Always stay in pairs. What does he do? Wander off alone. I swear to Thor, this man will drive us all into an early grave." Natasha muttered under hear breath. Clint was probably the only one who could see the underlying affection in the criticism. She had one hell of a soft spot for the mechanic.

Steve stepped inside of the car for a moment and picked up one of the many tablets that were in there, unlocking it and pulling up the tracking app. "JARVIS, can you find Tony for us?" he asked, really hoping he hadn't gone off on his own and tried to improve a ride or something. The alternative was probably worse he supposed, that something bad had happened. He just prayed the genius hadn't been stupid and kept himself to himself, they didn’t need a PR disaster on their hands. He waited somewhat impatiently as the AI scanned the huge park for the arc reactors signals. Eventually, the map on the screen zoomed into the sci-fi section, where the planetarium and rocket ride was. He could already imagine what had happened…

"Meet us at the 60's diner near the first ride we went on." He instructed the team, taking off in a jog towards the little blue dot on the tablet.

He found tony behind a toilet block near the exit of a Star-Trek simulation. He was sat on one foot whilst hugging the other knee, rocking forward and back. One of his hands was clutching tightly to his hair and his eyes had a glazed manic look to them. It was clear he didn’t feel safe. Steve was careful to approach, crouching about a meter in front of him so he knew Steve wasn’t a threat.

"Tony?" he asked, holding a hand out as though he was a feral cat waiting to pounce or retreat. "Tony, it's Steve, I'm not gonna hurt you. You aren't in any danger." he said softly, glad this part of the park was quieter. This close up he could hear the ragged, slightly wheezy breathing come from the smaller brunette. Gradually, he inched closer, glad that tony didn’t back away or lash out. As soon as he was close enough, he took tony into his arms and held him close, allowing him to shake in safety.

"It's alright, where ever you are it isn't real." He soothed, shifting so he was sat rather than crouched. One of Tony's hands came out to grip onto Steve's shirt, using it as some kind of leverage into reality. "Just breath Tony, it will be okay soon." he whispered, knowing it would be pointless at this point to try and get coherent sentences out of him.

Eventually, the grip on his shirt loosened and the man in his arms stopped trembling. His hands were still shaky and he looked quite pale but apart from that he'd pulled himself together. Although he hadn't pulled away from the strong arms surrounding him yet. Steve opened his mouth to ask what had brought the panic attack on but Tony beat him to it, effectively quieting him with a hand over his mouth.

"You already know how much of a massive nerd I am. I saw the ride and couldn’t resist, unfortunately I was with Thor and he didn’t want to go on it. He said he'd wait outside, maybe take photos with a few people in the meantime but by the time I left, which was only halfway through, he'd gone. I wasn’t expecting the Star-Trek ride to actually have space elements, I thought it would just be on the Enterprise and all 'beam me up, Scotty', not fucking masks and space walking." he was tense and twitchy again and Steve squeezed him a little tighter to help combat it. At least it wasn’t anything the public or press had done.

"I'll have a word with Thor later." Steve informed him, pulling away slightly to assess the situation. "You feeling up to going to the diner? You don’t have to eat anything if you don’t want to. No alcohol though, not until we're home." he negotiated, seeing a pang of hatred for his Captain flit through Tony's eyes before he conceded and nodded. Steve grinned to himself, glad he had such a good influence, Pepper had taught him well. ('If you want him to do something, give him the option of something he wants along with it, it usually gets him to agree').

Tony took a little while to stand, having been on his knees so long had made them fall asleep so he was stretching them out and the hopping from one to the other with pins and needles. Finally, they died down enough for him to walk comfortably alongside Steve as they made their way out from behind the toilets. He was glad this area of the park was quieter so no one was around to snap photos of the two leaving a hiding spot. No one wanted those rumours circulating. Especially not since him and Bucky had been doing so well. Thinking of which;

"Tony, I wanted to thank you." he started, feeling a little uncomfortable talking about his sex life, even to a friend. "for a couple of weeks ago when you… _informed_ Bucky of things we'd been doing wrong." he saw a genuinely warm smile creep up onto the billionaires face out of the corner of his eye. "If you'd not suggested what you had I think I'd probably still be sleeping in the spare bedroom…" He admitted sheepishly, feeling the blush tinge his cheeks. He always blushed so easily.

Tony nudged him with his shoulder, getting his attention. "I was just helping a friend out, like you just did for me" he said softly, he was still clearly on edge but he looked far more relaxed than he had been 5 minutes ago. "And he promised me I'd get to tinker with the arm" he added with a grin that reminded Steve of a mad scientist.

They walked for a little longer, realising just how massive the park really was, that and they had been walking in the wrong direction. The silence between them was a comfortable one, they occasionally stopped so people could take photos but no more than three at a time as Steve was getting hungry again. "I know you both switch around in the bedroom but do you really _enjoy_ doming?" Tony asked at random, when the most of the crowds had died down.

Steve was taken aback by the question, his feet actually tripping over each other on the flat pavement in surprise. Once it had registered he allowed himself to think about it and realised that in all the times he had taken control, which in retrospect hadn't been all that many, it had always felt a little strained and forced. While he always enjoyed himself there was the niggling feeling at the back of his mind where he felt like he wanted to be in Bucky's place. Looking down at the shorter man, he was a broad knowing grin spread over perfect white teeth.

"Didn’t think so, Before the serum you would have been weaker 99% of the time" he held up his hand at Steve's protest.. "You were a fighter sure but you were always weaker, you can't deny that." The blonde sighed and nodded reluctantly. "But I see the way you are with him, you feel safe. Even though he could kill you easily you still feel safe around him, you would have felt safe around him in the 40's too. That kind of feeling doesn’t come from holding power over someone, it comes from relinquishing it."

Steve frowned, giving tony a confused look. "I feel safe around you." he said quietly, "I feel safe around all of the team." he added.

Tony nodded, "So do I, but it's not the same. You feel safe because you’ve seen us fight, you know we're all capable. But you still have the lead over us, you tell us to jump and we say 'how high'. Well, I point out that three of us in the team can fly so asking us to jump would be pointless but you get the general idea." he teased, glad to hear a huff of laughter come from the Soldier.

"But when it comes to Bucky?" he continued. "With him you _can_ let go, you can feel safe as well as not having ultimate control. Which is the opposite of what Barnes would have had whilst under HYDRA's fucked up mind fuck-uppery." they were outside of the diner now, Tony halting Steve at the door before they went in. "If he is in total control its as far from the asset that is possible, in that situation at least. Just something to think about yeah?" he smiled softly and went in, bracing himself for the onslaught of Natasha telling him off.

"It was Thor!" Steve heard tony cry though the glass door. He was stunned by how perceptive Tony had been, almost 100% right about how he'd felt. He couldn’t speak for Bucky but he was guessing it was more or less accurate.

Seeing Steve waiting by the door, Bucky slid out of the booth and joined him, taking his hand and holding it tight, a concerned expression on his face. "Hey baby, everything okay? He didn’t say anything to upset you did he?" he asked softly, jerking his head in the direction of the diner.

Steve smiled at him, eyes bright and shimmering at the epiphany erupting through his skull. "No, the opposite in fact." He beamed, leaning in to kiss him sweetly (but also very dirty) before tugging him into the diner. He couldn’t wait to tell him his wonderful idea.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS thanks again if you've stuck around from the beginning. I have the second half planned mostly but I have mock exams next week so don't expect anything too soon. After that it should be better however. Let me know what you think! it helps spur me on!


	7. Day 11 - Avengers Outing Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the theme park day out!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as long as the last one, I promise the next will be better. (but also a while away) And there is smut at the end!!! yay!!! (Also, not a lot but its cute). Please let me know what you thought!!

Steve could not stop smiling, the diner at the theme park was playing swing music, not from his time but meant to sound like it. Bucky's right arm was wrapped tightly around his waist, his warmth seeping through Steve's jacket and heating him.

In front of him, he had an incredibly greasy hotdog with fried onions, and a bowl of curly fries between his and Bucky's plate.

Everyone was laughing and sharing each other's experiences of various rides, commenting on the amount of people who talked to them naturally and complaining about those who squealed. Thor even had to help bring one girl back around as she'd fainted when he took a photo with her.

Looking at each member of his dysfunctional family, Steve could see the small hints of tension on every one, no matter how relaxed they seemed to be. Clint was twirling a spoon around his fingers like he normally would an arrow during a debriefing or after a mission that hadn't gone so well.

Sam was quieter than normal, his regular teasing having to be prompted as opposed to rolling off his tongue.

Natasha's voice was sharper, her words more of the single syllable variety than her usual assortment of words. The tone was clipped and concise despite how much she was involving herself in the conversation.

Tony, given what he'd just gone through, was naturally the most agitated. So much so that Natasha had even allowed him a beer so long as he ate everything he ordered. He drank it all before the food even arrived but that meant he relaxed enough to join in.

Bucky's hand by his waist was clenched into a fist rather than relaxed on the table, or on his lap. He was still smiling and occasionally nuzzling Steve's jaw and whispering random things in his ear so he wasn't too concerned.

Thor, unsurprisingly, was the most chilled. He's never been to anything remotely like a theme park before as they didn't have them on Asgard. He was telling stories of great detail about the things they did have (his mother’s magic and learning to fight). It was clear to Steve that he missed his home, but not so much that he felt he had to return soon. At least Steve hoped not, it was nice to have someone else who still didn't understand certain pop culture references, or got unnecessarily excited about certain technology that they'd not come across yet.

As for himself, Steve felt oddly at ease. After his conversation with Tony he realised where he had been going wrong. The stress he hadn't realised he'd been feeling had seeped out and the comforting feelings from the familiarity of the diner had lulled him into a deep calm.

He was brought out of his daze by Bucky pulling away from his side, taking his arm and tugging him out of the large booth. His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling with a mixture of mirth and complete content.

"Dance with me Stevie. You must remember how." He urged, reaching his other hand out to caress his, now bright red, cheek.

"Buck, no, c'mon. You know I hate dancin'" he protested, dropping the 'g' in a way that seemed right for the setting.

He could see his team watching him with apt interest; Clint and Natasha leaning forward and resting their heads on their hands in perfect synchronicity. He thought he could hear Sam whisper something about a video to Thor but he could be imagining it. He really hoped he was imagining it.

"Please Steve? The place is empty apart from us." He reasoned. Steve looked around to find he was telling the truth. Most of the staff had even finished and were in the kitchen rather than behind the counter.

Sighing, Steve allowed himself to be dragged onto the little dance floor. "Just one song." He stated, holding a finger up to add to his point.

"Sure." Bucky agreed, grinning as the song changed to a much slower one. Still made to sound like it came straight out of dance halls from the 40's but nothing like the easy rhythm that Steve could have stepped around to that had just been on.

Winking at him, Bucky came in close to Steve and wrapped his left arm around the slim waist. He pulled him closer until they were touching from chest to thigh. Steve gasped, feeling warmth emanating from Bucky and absorbing it. He shivered softly, resting his hand on Bucky's shoulder, relaxing his arm to bend between them.

Bucky's other hand captured Steve's, linking their fingers together not in the traditional way, but no less comfortable.

Neither of them were wearing shoes that were ideal for dancing but the pace Bucky set up wasn't very hard to move to. Everything around them; the rattling of roller coasters, the chatter of his team, the rest of the diner, all melted away until it was just him, Bucky and the music.

They began to sway softly from side to side, feet hardly moving on the wooden flooring. Bucky took the lead during their dance, turning them in a small circle, occasionally lifting Steve right of the ground to spin him quickly.

When he was safely back on the ground, he leant forward to kiss his partner. A soft touch of lips upon lips, noses pressed together and hearts beating in sync. Steve couldn't remember being happier.

As the song went on, he became dimly aware of the others talking about them as though they weren't in the room. He didn't care though, why would he when all he needed was Bucky. He was gazing into stormy blue-grey eyes that shone brighter that in a long time. And they were gazing back at him, full of the emotions that both men always struggled to talk about out loud. They were both smiling softly but it was a symbol of how far they’d come. From back-alleys in Brooklyn, through all his sicknesses, through the war, losing Bucky once, losing him again, taking a nose-dive into the Arctic, 70 years of ice, 70 years of Bucky being taken by HYDRA and used like a puppet, being defrosted and thrown straight back into action, fighting for SHEILD, discovering SHIELD was in fact HYDRA as well, finding Bucky, losing Bucky yet again, then being found by him. Everything had stood in their way but the two scrappy kids managed to find happiness with each other despite that.

The song gradually came to an end, with Bucky dipping Steve low to the ground and kissing him solidly, letting his lips slide over Steve’s slightly chapped ones, their breath mixing, one tasting slightly sweet and the other a little salty; the perfect combination.

Thankfully, because the place was empty, when he finally pulled away and helped Steve to stand again, it was just the team who had begun cheering loudly. Whistling and applauding as though they'd put on a show. Which, Steve thought, they sort of had. He blushed deeply and buried his face in Bucky's neck, groaning loudly

Bucky laughed softly, bring a hand up to card his fingers through Steve's golden hair, soothing him. "I'll try and steal the phone from them." He promised, but Steve could hear the amusement in his words.

Steve groaned again, louder this time, causing the team to laugh. "Don't worry, we won't put it online. Just whip it out on Christmas and birthdays." Tony said lightly.

Steve pulled away and looked back at them all with disdain. _Why did I ever agree to this_ , Steve thought to himself, rolling his eyes and making his way towards the door. "I hate you all.” He grumbled, taking Bucky’s hand and pulling him to the exit. “Come on, let's go home. I want you all asleep so I can get Jarvis to wipe the video." He muttered, faking his annoyance in the hopes his family would take pity.

"Won't work. He already has it saved to the hard drives, which only I have access to." Tony quipped, walking past Steve and winking, seeing straight through his facade. At the same time, he gave the soldier a pointed look, silently reminding them of their earlier conversation. A subtle 'tell him' that Steve realised he wouldn't be able to refuse.

* * *

The journey back in the limo was very quiet. After a small argument about who would sit where and who’d get the seat that extended into a makeshift bed (Tony won, although he sort of deserved it, after his evening), they all managed to get comfortable resting against one another.

Bucky had the window, he wasn’t comfortable falling asleep with all of them there despite how safe he felt awake. He was relaxed though, Steve couldn’t feel any tension from where he was hugging and arm and using his shoulder as a pillow. He had his legs up on the chair next to him and Natasha was in a similar position only her head was on his thighs, her red hair fanning over her face and making her look a little vulnerable.

Wanting to be close to his partner, Clint was draped over the backs of the seats where there was space in the boot, how that man was ever comfortable Steve didn’t know but if he slept fine then who was he to question. He had one hand protectively wrapped around Natasha’s ankle but that was their only point of contact.

Sam, the lucky bastard, managed to get half the chair/bed from Tony. He was using it to stretch his legs out, Tony having taken hostage of one. He was curved around the corner of the chairs with his head resting on the mountain of a pillow that was Thor’s thigh.

Thor was the only other member of the team who was awake, he was happy to watch over and observe the world as it went past the window. He’d had an exciting day and, very much like a child, he ‘just wasn’t tired’.

The ride was a long one but given that most were asleep the entire time it went by pretty quickly. Jarvis had to wake them all when they reached the tower and one by one they extracted themselves from each other and then the limo. Shuffling like zombies to the elevator and getting off at their respective floors without saying a word.

On their own floor, Steve and Bucky were quick to go through their nightly routine of showering and brushing their teeth, pulling on loose fitting clothing and sliding under their duvet and into each other’s arms. They spent a little time kissing, embracing and possibly a little rutting, but not enough to really do anything. Basically just enjoying one another’s company.

However, just before he went to sleep, Tony’s words came to the forefront of Steve’s mind, urging him to do something now or he would have to wait even longer. “Hey Bucky-“ he started in a low whisper, not waiting for conformation before he continued. “-I was thinking, maybe tomorrow evening you could deny me orgasm for a little while?” he asked, playing with a stray thread on Bucky’s top.

Bucky went from flaccid to rock hard in about 10 seconds. He could never have imagined Steve asking something like that from him so soon. “Really? You want that? You sure?” he asked in quick succession, knowing Steve could feel the raging boner against his hip.

In answer, Steve simply turned so bucky could also feel his erection against his own hip. “Pretty sure.” He whispered with a joyous grin. He leant forward and pressed his lips to Bucky’s, at the same time he cupped his love through his boxers and stroked him languidly, rocking against Bucky’s hip to get himself off. Bucky could do little else but moan into Steve’s mouth, his hips starting a rhythm of their own.

It was slow, hot and very intimate but neither of them took very long before they were silently coming, spilling in their boxers like teenagers and pressing impossibly closer to each other and grinning brighter than before. Neither could muster up enough energy to care about the stickiness, knowing they could just wash it off in the morning. Seemingly working on the same wavelength, both whispered a delicate ‘I love you’ to the other before dropping off into a much needed, deep, dreamless sleep.


	8. Day 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A larger part of the inner workings of Bucky's mind, also tony being the best friend to these two idiots!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Check me out updating quickly! I hope it lasts!!!   
> Sorry in advance, its not what was promised in the last chapter but there is smut and humour and there will DEFFO be proper, two person, full frontal, hard-core (but probably quite light) smut in the next chapter :)   
> Also, longer than a lot of the others!!  
> I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> (Super-massive thank you to my awesome beta: StarSpangledBucky ( https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky) her work is amazing btw)

_Day 14_

_I bottled it. I fucking bottled it. Steve was on his knees, hands tied behind his back, his cock leaking against his stomach, he was so hard. But when it came down to it, I just couldn't. I used my hands and my mouth to tease him a little. God, he tasted great! It had been so long since I've been able to play with him like that but as soon as he told me he was close? I fucking bottled it._

_“You can come Stevie,"_

_Why the fuck would I say that? We were supposed to be doing orgasm denial for fuck sake!_

_That's not denial! That's allowance! Orgasm allowance isn't kinky! I'm so fucking pissed!_

_The look on his face as well, he was so disappointed. After he'd calmed obviously. Apparently being told to come instead of just doing it made things more intense for him._

_I don't know what it was that stopped me, my brain just blocked out what it was that would have normally made me pull back. I've spent the last two days constantly trying to figure it out but I still don't know. Steve's tried to talk to me about it but there really wasn't anything to talk about. So he suggested I talk to Tony. Initially I said no, I don't want to share stuff like that with him, but the more time goes by the more we’re returning to two weeks ago. Only we aren't sleeping in separate beds, I just don't come to bed at all because I can't sleep. Steve hates it but he understands._

_And that's why I'm going to talk to Tony. Because Steve’s been so understanding. He’s given me space and time and I owe him more than one alright orgasm. I owe him a fucking great orgasm after being denied all the alright ones, I owe it to him to make him cry and whimper and be begging me to let him come. I owe him that much._

_~_

“Tony!" Bucky called, striding purposefully into his workshop. “I need your help," he added, knowing that there was no point dancing around the subject. 

It was a  _Stark_  he was talking to. 

“Hello Buckaroo. How can I be of assistance?” Tony asked, spinning on his chair. 

He had a welding helmet on his head, not covering his face, with some tinted goggles on over his eyes. Thankfully he was wearing proper welding gloves. But oddly enough, he was using a soldering iron and Bucky couldn't see where the welder even was. The helmet made his hair stick out in odd directions all over the place and gave him the look of a mad scientist. His shirt, face and (bare) arms were covered in smudges of grease and he generally looked a bit wired. 

“Is it your arm? I can take a look at your arm. Please let it be your arm, I want to tinker with your arm," Tony rambled, practically bouncing on his seat with the possibility of playing with Bucky’s prosthetic. 

Bucky looked at him with slight resignation, one brow raised and questioning. 

"What do you want to do to it?” he asked sceptically. 

While he was cautious, Bucky generally didn’t mind it when Tony tinkered, it often ended up with him getting an upgrade of some sort so it was a win-win situation. But the fact that he was so eager gave Bucky pause, it suggested that he had something planned and when Tony had a plan. Well, it wasn’t always in everyone’s benefit but his own.  

Tony tucked the soldering iron back in its holder and switched it off ( _clearly he does understand safety_ ), slipping the helmet and gloves off, placing them at random on the table before slipping the goggles up to rest on his forehead. 

“What makes you think I want to do anything specific? It’s a marvel of machinery, all engineers would cream their pants just to tinker. Lucky for you, I’m not just  _any_  engineer so it won’t be getting dirty. Not from me anyway, can’t speak for your super-soldier boyfriend though, I heard through the grape vine, namely Natasha, that he has a thing for your shiny metal fingers so what’d ya' say? Want me to make them vibrate?” Tony rambled, smiling openly and somewhat honestly at a very,  _very_  bemused Bucky. 

“What…?” he asked simply, mouth slightly open and eyebrows drawn in. 

He couldn’t help but contemplate the idea though. He could very easily imagine how his Stevie would be tied to the bed, unable to get away from his fingers as they curled into his ass. He’d be thrashing and jerking but he wouldn’t be able to do anything. Maybe Bucky could use one alongside the aneros they’d yet to try, it would be the most glorious hell Steve could imagine. 

“Well, you very clearly like the idea….” Tony muttered pointedly, his eyes flicking down to the small bulge in Bucky’s pants and then back to meet his dilated ones. “I’ll go find what I need, the bathrooms through there," Tony quipped, hopping off the chair and jerking his thumb behind him to where a light had switched on, illuminating the door. 

“Thanks…” Bucky squeaked, rushing into the tiny bathroom. 

_(Although tiny by Tony’s standards meant there was still room for a bath and a shower, separately, with a large cabinet and vanity mirror, still likely to be the smallest room in the entire tower though)._  He locked the door and shoved his joggers to his thighs, his flesh hand automatically coming down to stroke over his pink, wet head. He dug through the many cupboards and found a small bottle of lube that looked to be unopened. He struggled a little, getting the wrapper off, his metal fingers didn’t have nails so he had to resort to his teeth.  _Perhaps I could ask Stark for nails… he thought._

Once he’d managed to get it open, he flipped the cap and squirted a little dollop onto his hand, warming it a little before returning to his now aching cock. He conjured the image of Steve all flushed and pulling against his restraints, whimpering and begging to be allowed to come. He thought of a time before the ‘safe-word incident’ where he’d put a cock ring on Steve and had each limb tied to the bed with just enough room to half bend his arms and legs.

“Jarvis…pull up…visual. Four weeks ago,” Bucky panted, leaning heavily against the door. 

He could tell this wouldn’t last long. Without a word, Jarvis projected the surveillance footage of the exact scene Bucky was thinking about. It was clear, it showed a side on view so Bucky could see himself teasing his Stevie. It was in colour so he could see how far down the pink flush spread, how purple his cockhead was from the ring. The only thing it lacked was sound, but Bucky was a sniper, he could read lips. And he knew Steve’s voice well enough, he could remember how he’d sounded.  

_“Oh god, oh Christ! B-Bucky please, it’s too much, Bucky! F-fuck! It hurts, bucky please!”_

Jarvis was smart, smart enough to give Bucky about a minute of footage before on-screen Bucky was pulling the cock-ring off on-screen Steve. Just as he’d remembered, Steve had come silently, his back arched, his head pushed back into the pillows, his limbs pulled taut against the cotton rope and his face the perfect picture of pleasure. 

Bucky came onto his chest and stomach, his teeth biting down on two metal fingers as he tried not to make any noise. He could see himself past the projection on the mirror and he honestly looked far too wrecked for a quick handjob. He was panting, his shirt had come on it, his cheeks were flushed and hair was stuck to the back of his neck. 

Realising that the shirt would get in the way if Tony planned to tinker, Bucky ditched it and used it to wipe himself down. He chucked it in the hamper and staggered to the sink, using the flannel that was there to clean up a little better, using cold water to cool his face and neck before using warm soapy water to clean his cock and torso better. Once he was done with that, he chucked the flannel in the hamper as well and tucked himself away before leaving the bathroom. 

“Have fun?” Tony asked, reclining on the examination chair he had installed just to look at Bucky’s arm. 

He was twirling a screw driver around in his fingers and waggling his eyebrows. 

“Anybody tell you how insufferable you are?” Bucky asked rhetorically, striding over to the chair. 

He’d stopped being scared of it when Tony had proved that there were no clamps, there were no electrodes, there were weapons hidden under the seat and  _‘Hey! Look, it even massages you!'_

“Everyday,” Tony gibed, hopping out of the chair and pulling the wheelie stool over. “Take a seat," he said over-politely, waving his hand in a flourish. 

“Whatever…” Bucky grumbled, sliding into the heated chair and getting himself comfortable. 

He slotted his arm into the little holders so he didn’t have to hold it up all the time and pressed the hidden button on the shoulder plate to turn off the neurotransmitters.

“Have at it, but I do need to talk to you," he said, trying to cover up his nervousness.

If Steve could do it, so could he. 

Tony began to fiddle with plates and unscrew bits on the hand, Bucky couldn't feel a thing and his arm was a useless hunk of metal now. Until he turned it back on that was. Tony did ask him once if he wanted to leave it operational but so he couldn't feel anything, like a sort of local anaesthetic, but Bucky had said no in case he lashed out accidentally. Once upon a time he'd never had sensation in it and he'd learnt to use it by instinct rather than by touch. He was perfectly capable of killing Tony, or Bruce, or Steve, or whoever else was with him, if he could still use it. In fact, it was probably more likely. 

“So, Bucky, if you wanna talk to me you might actually have to, oh I don't know  _talk_ …” Tony jibbed, a soft smile on his face as he looked at him encouragingly.

Bucky sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head back against the headrest and thinking of how to word it. 

“I-Steve asked if we could do a scene, I agreed but bottled it halfway through…” he blurted, holding his breath for Tony's response. 

Tony paused momentarily, Bucky always seemed to be the one who wanted things to progress, but here he was holding back? He didn't quite understand but he could toss ideas about until it helped Bucky figure it out for himself. 

“Was it an intense scene?” he asked, turning his attention back to the arm, fusing the miniature vibrators to the underside of each plate on each finger. 

Bucky cracked his eyes open, looking at Tony and seeing how he wasn't actually judging him. 

"N-no it wasn't. His arms were tied behind his back, we were supposed to be doing d-denial…” he admitted, finding confidence with each word. “It got to the point where I would normally stop, and I just carried on, until he, well, until he came. I told him he could, I allowed him…” he muttered, the anger at himself flaring back up again. 

“Right, kinda' goes against the point…” Tony pointed out, telling Bucky what he already knew. “So I see the problem, but I'm guessing you don't know why you stopped?” he guessed, looking up for a second, for confirmation. 

“Yeah…yeah please. I wanna' know why I couldn't let go like I normally can," he realised that it was true as he said it. 

“Alright, so were you scared of how he’d react?” Tony asked, his usual baseline for these sorts of things. 

Which was saying something, that he had a baseline…

Bucky shook his head, a few strands of hair falling free of the bun he'd put it in.

“No…that's not it. He loves orgasm denial,” he said, blushing when he realised what he'd just admitted. 

“Right, good, well at least there's that…” Tony mumbled, fumbling momentarily and having to shake Bucky's hand upside down so what he'd dropped would fall out. 

“So not scared, about him at least. What about you? Were you scared about how you'd react?” he tried, re-applying the little disk he'd dropped before. 

“How do you mean?” Bucky asked, confused. 

“Well, last time you did a scene, you safe-worded out. Now I'm not saying Steve reacted correctly, cause he really didn't. He should not have left you. But the safe-word caused all this mess," he said, remembering the chats he'd had with both Steve and Natasha. "You were right to use it, don't use this as an excuse not to use it in future,” he pressed, pointing a finger at him sternly. “But maybe you heard yourself saying it, so then it found a nice little corner of your brain to fester and grow until you could imagine Steve saying it. And given what happened, right or wrong, you would undoubtedly be scared of it happening again and taking you back to square one. You and Cap are very co-dependant, the idea of being apart drives many of your actions," he explained, halting his tampering and meeting Bucky's eyes. 

“So I stopped because I didn't want it to get far enough that he was uncomfortable? That he didn't want to carry on?” Bucky asked, finding the fog in his head begin to dissipate. 

“Yeah, I might not be right but I think it's a good explanation," Tony shrugged, returning to the hand and opening up the pinky finger. 

“No no, I think you're right…I need him, the first few days after…they were hell. To see the way he looked at me…” he shook his head to clear himself of the memory and back into the now. 

Tony nodded, he could understand how Bucky must have felt, it was a different situation but he'd had both Rhodey and Pepper look at him the way Steve had looked at Bucky. He didn't like it.  

“You wanna' know what we talked about outside the diner at the theme park?” Tony asked, closing up the pinky finger and moving up to his shoulder, unscrewing the shoulder plate and changing some of the wiring. 

Bucky shrugged, he didn't want to pry but he had been wandering for the last few days. 

“Alright, well I'm gonna' tell you anyway. I made him realise what he enjoyed most, and what you enjoyed most, and why? Because I think that’s a big part of it, is understanding how one another works so you get the best out of each other," he started, not really explaining much.

“He is Captain America, leader of the Avengers, and carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. The only time he can let go and give up his control is when you are dominating him. You are the Winter Soldier, once a puppet for HYDRA who had no control over his actions or his choices. While you have that now, the feeling of not being in control is fresh in your memory. So naturally you crave it. That’s why you prefer dominating Steve and he prefers submitting to you," Tony clarified, giving Bucky a far too proud look for what he’d just come out with. 

But the more Bucky thought about it the more he realised how true it was, he never felt as though he could fully submit to Steve, no matter how much he wanted to. There was always that thought at the back of his head that he’d be asked to do something he didn’t want to, and wouldn’t be able to say no. 

And thinking back, Steve had gone into subspace before, quite a few times actually. He never had. He didn’t really want to either, losing control like that could be far too dangerous for Steve and himself. When he dommed, he felt so secure in himself that he was able to let go and be as harsh or as kind as Steve needed him to be, while knowing that he was in control of the situation and could rely on Steve to tell him if something was too much, or when he craved more. 

“You see, that’s the exact face Steve pulled when I told him. Like a light bulb just went off above your head. I’m gonna go ahead and assume I’m right, especially if that little smile is anything to go by…” he teased, prodding Bucky’s cheek and laughing when he was slapped away. 

“Ass," Bucky jibbed, unable to help the smile from growing larger. 

He wanted to hate that Tony was so right and able to see through both him and Steve, but all he could think about was how much clearer things seemed to be. 

Tony had finished the wiring on the shoulder plate and now just needed to change the switch so it had more than just on and off. 

"Wait, would you prefer it on the shoulder or somewhere on the hand so you can activate it without him knowing?” Tony asked around the screw-driver in his mouth. 

“Shoulder," Bucky answered immediately, “I don’t want to accidentally activate it on a mission or something…” he mumbled, imagining the looks he would get if his hand just started vibrating. “And Steve can activate it if he wants to if it’s on the shoulder…” he added, smiling in anticipation. 

“Well that is an appealing image…” Tony muttered to himself, swapping out the switches and checking that the sliding panel to see if it all still fit. 

Once he saw that it did, he slid it back open and flipped the neurotransmitters back on, waiting for it to power up and for Bucky to regain control of his arm. 

“How’s that feel?” Tony asked, wheeling back on his stool to give Bucky the space to move around. 

Bucky sat forward, lifting his arm from the holders and rotating it behind him, making sure everything was still working properly in that area before he re-evaluated the weight of it. Looking at the hand, he made a fist and then relaxed it, wiggling his fingers about to try and see if there was any weight difference. Which there wasn’t, nothing of any significance that he could feel at least. 

After that, he flicked the switch to turn on the vibrators and watched with excitement as his fingers burst into life. The vibrations weren’t hugely strong; they were spread out over the four fingers but Bucky could feel them. It was almost ticklish but not quite, it was a buzzing that his fingers would never get numb from. 

“You can concentrate all of the vibrations to one finger if you want, you just have to press the thumb to the tip of the finger and move it to the one you want to be the strongest. It’s complicated how it works but basically it shorts out the circuit because your arm is metal, but it then restarts it without the connection to whatever finger it is. Try it," Tony urged, demonstrating on his own hand. 

Copying Tony, Bucky touched his thumb to his little finger and gasped when the whole hand stopped vibrating. He then touched his thumb to his forefinger and laughed when it started buzzing again, only his little finger wasn’t, and his forefinger was twice as intense.

“This is so cool," he blurted, messing around with his fingers and changing the intensities of all fingers, already knowing how much fun he could have with Steve. “Thank you,” he added, flicking the switch off entirely and sliding the panel back over them. 

He reached out and tugged Tony into a hug, grinning when he saw how surprised the engineer was. 

"For everything, for pulling me out of my thick head and making me understand. I should make you our marriage councillor," he joked, feeling the other man laugh a little before pulling back. “If you ever want to talk Tony, Steve and I will listen, and we can’t judge you anymore than we both already have so that’s not a problem,"

Tony just nodded, it was his turn to be dumfounded and lost for words. Lamely, he put his thumbs up and smiled. Bucky just laughed, nodding his head once more, sharing a knowing look and then retreating to the elevator, leaving Tony standing awkwardly in the middle of his lab. 

 


	9. Day 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... so a year since the last update and almost 2 years after publishing. I really never intended this to take so long but you never know when real life is gonna take you down.  
> So those of you who waited and stuck around for this, thank you. Id contemplated abandoning the story but then I read one of my fave fics and got inspiration again.  
> (on the plus side, this is longer. On the down side, unbetaed because I got excited about finishing the chapter)

"On your knees." Steve's words dried up in his mouth and his thoughts blanked as his knees buckled without him telling them to. "Sir..." He breathed, bowing his head and clasping his hands behind his back. He didn't know what was going on, nothing had been discussed and his heart was hammering in his chest. But those words, and the tone of voice, had him from flaccid to achingly hard in the space of 5 seconds.

(20 minutes earlier)

_Day 15,_

_Okay, I'm gonna do it. Steve said he needs it, he wants it. I can do it._  


_Oh god what if I can't do it?_  


_No, I can. I will, I want to. Tony said that Steve was naturally more of a sub. And the fact that Steve felt more comfortable telling_ Tony _than me is enough for_ me _to take more control._  


_I can do it_  


_I can do it_  


_If not for me, for Steve._  


_I._

_Can._

_Do._

_It!_

 

Bucky tucked away the worn notepad in its hiding spot in the nightstand and slipped out of bed. Steve had woken up early from a nightmare and as much as Bucky wanted to help, Steve had asked for time alone. And Bucky was always given it when he asked so it would be very hypocritical of him to disallow Steve his privacy now.

He was curious, of course he was, but there were still a few things Bucky wouldn't tell Steve. He had no right to pry. Instead, he could make Steve feel better. He knew how to do that.

So why was he pacing just behind the closed door of their bedroom?

He realised he was just scared, scared of hurting Steve, scared of backing out again, just completely fucking terrified!

"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it." He whispered to himself like a mantra. He could hear Steve cluttering about in the kitchen, probably making himself some food now it was a reasonable time in the morning.

"Oh Jesus I can't do it." He gasped, grouching down and clutching his hair. He growled to himself and slammed his fist into the floor.  

His metal fist.

He punched a fucking hole in the floor.

God Steve was going to hate him.

"Buck? Everything okay?" Steve asked, opening the door a little and making Bucky shoot to his feet, fists still clenched.

 

"On your knees."

 

Bucky had no idea where it came from, literally none at all. He watched as Steve dropped gracefully to the ground. He swallowed when Steve breathed "sir..." And bowed his head, getting into position. He briefly worried if he'd done the wrong thing but a quick glance down to Steve's sweatpants showed that Steve was rock solid in his underwear.

Bucky knew he looked angry, sounded angry, the floor looked like it had suffered from his anger but he also knew Steve would understand it wasn't directed at him.

Bucky forced himself to relax, unclenching his hands and sliding his flesh one into Steve's soft golden hair. "Come with me baby, you can walk." He instructed softly, holding out his metal hand for Steve to take.

Steve sighed and relaxed as he felt fingers in his hair, pushing up into it as he stood and took the offered hand. He was nervous, but this was what he had been waiting for. This is what he needed. He trusted Bucky that he wouldn't push him too far and wouldn't do anything he wasn't comfortable with yet. Bucky led Steve to the bed, sitting down on it and parting his legs to pull Steve between them, looking up at him.

"I know we should have discussed it first, I was planning on it, but then you came in and I panicked... We don't have to do anything if you don't want to but I'd like to. Properly this time." Bucky told him, eyes flicking down to Steve's track pants and smiling softly.

Steve gazed down at him with a mix of adoration and anxiety. "You mean... With the orgasm denial? And edging?" He asked tentatively, his arms coming to a parade rest behind his back.

Bucky nodded, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Yeah. The reason I bottled it last time was because I was scared of doing something you wouldn't enjoy, scared of pushing you too far. I didn't read the signs properly and then well, you got to come early. But I spoke to Tony, he made me realise a few things and now I'm willing to give it another go. If you want. Properly this time, at least an hour without coming." He grinned, teasing Steve's lower lip with his thumb.

Steve's tongue came out to lick Bucky’s thumb playfully, eyes bright and shining. "Yeah, yeah I'd like that." He whispered.

Bucky watched as Steve then stepped out of his grasp, pulled his t-shirt over his head, his sweat pants off and his boxers off. He kicked his clothes to one side, and as gracefully as before, he knelt down in front of Bucky. His hands sitting behind his back.

"You're so beautiful." Bucky whispered, slipping off the bed as well and shuffling on his knees closer to Steve, sliding his metal palm up his chest and around to the back of his neck. "You wanna be laying down or upright?" He asked, either way it would move to the bed but Bucky needed an idea of how he would do this.

"Laying down, please. Sir." Steve told Bucky. And damn if he wasn't hard already then he would have been with Steve uttering 'sir' in that strong tone. He nodded in response and pressed a kiss to one corner of his mouth.

"Okay, and restrained or free? You won't be allowed to move if you're free." He told his sub, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Um. Restrained, please. Just not my legs. Sir." Steve said, a little nervously.

"Alright baby doll, give me two minutes to go into the closet to get what we need. You get in position on the bed for me." Bucky ordered softly, kissing him on the other side but not giving him what he wanted. He smirked at the little whimper, he knew Steve didn't really mind so much. 

 

Bucky stood and helped Steve stand before going to the closet, trusting Steve to do as he was told. When in there, he picked out some of the slim cotton rope that Steve could easily get out of if he tried, along with a cock-ring and some lube. He was contemplating using the new features on his hand but he wanted to safe that for something special.

When he came out and closed the door, Steve was in position on his knees on the bed. Just like Bucky had asked.

"Good boy." He praised softly, leaning in to kiss him properly once he was close to the bed. He dropped the toys on the corner of the bed so Steve could see them and then stripped out of his clothes, leaving his boxers on.

"I'm going to tie your arms behind your back with the elbows bent. Can you hold the opposite forearm just below the elbow?" He asked softly, grabbing the rope and sliding into the bed behind him.

Steve quickly did as he was asked. Holding his arms away from his back so Bucky had room to thread the rope around. He started at one end and wound the rope around both arms, creating a spiral from one bend to the other. Once he was done, he knotted it specifically like he'd read online and then moved back to admire his work.

"How does that feel? Not to tight?" He asked hopefully, moving his hands up over Steve's shoulders to test for tension.

"No sir, it's comfortable." Steve told him dutifully.

 

Bucky slid off the bed and walked around it, admiring Steve from all angles. “God you look hot like this, your tits pushed out and cock aching for me. My good boy.” He praised, seeing Steve literally preen. That’s when Bucky knew he was doing the right thing, seeing Steve hold himself a little prouder, despite the flush spreading down his neck.

“Your good boy.” Steve repeated softly, his chin held high and shoulders pulled back to give bucky the view he wanted. He was good for Bucky, his dom. He was going to be perfect for him, he wasn’t going to break any rules. He wanted to hear that praise again so he could feel the rush of euphoria.

Bucky nodded and made his way to the bedside table. He grabbed the lube, and sat it in front of Steve. He saw his sub’s gaze flick down and then back straight ahead, licking his lips.

"Because it's been a little while, I'm gonna put a cock ring on you to help you control yourself. Is that okay?" He asked. He had a feeling Steve might get annoyed with the constant asking but Bucky wouldn't feel comfortable unless he did.

"Yes sir." Steve whispered, and when Bucky placed a finger on his chin to turn his head. He had the most loving and grateful smile on his face, completely adoring and everything Bucky wasn’t sure he still deserved. “Thank you."

"You're a sap." He murmured, leaning close to kiss him for a minute or so. "Anyway, when I lay you down I don't want you to move your legs. It's not going to be a direct rule so if you do move you won't be punished but I'll remind you to keep still."

Steve smiled dopily at him, content to remain still but knowing he probably wouldn’t last. "Okay, sir."

"Also, there will be no penetration on either side yet, we're working upwards. Start small and build it up." He reminded him. "The only rule I have will be you don't come until I tell you to. That could be one hour, two, possibly four if I think you can take it, but if you come before I tell you then you'll be given 16 with the crop okay?" He laid out his only rule clearly and simply.

Steve gasped at the prospect of the crop, he had always been in two minds about it because at the time it felt magnificent but after wasn't so fun. Although, the welts never lasted longer than an hour or so, so it wasn't much of a punishment.

And apparently, Bucky saw the excitement in his eyes as he frowned and bit his lip. "On second thoughts, you come before I allow you and I'll over stimulate you and force another from you. And then another, and then another. And after that I will put you in a chastity device for 24 hours." He amended.

At this, Steve's eyes bugged open, his jaw dropping a little bit. He could deal with the overstimulation but then to be put in chastity straight after, that really wasn't something he wanted.

Bucky grinned smugly, "I gotta give you incentive to obey, sweetheart. You know that." He reminded Steve. Steve nodded quickly and looked down obediently.

Bucky cupped his cheek and gently helped him sit first, then guiding his legs out from underneath him and laying him against the pillows. He stretched Steve’s long legs out on the bed and bent them slightly. “Keep them there.” He ordered, accepting Steve’s nod.

Then, he hovered over him and began to kiss his chest, starting from the hollow of his neck and working his way down. It was a long process before his mouth was by Steve’s groin, but he could see how flushed the other had become. Bucky had purposely left his hair loose so that it would tickle against his skin.

Bucky paused, looking up at Steve to make sure he was alright, “Stevie? You good?” he checked.

“Uh huh.” Steve breathed in response.

Bucky reached up and softly pinched Steve’s lower ribs. “I’m sorry, what was that?” he asked sternly.

“Yes sir, sorry sir, I’m good sir.” Steve corrected, and Bucky was sure he saw a drop of pre-come leak out of Steve’s cock, dripping onto his stomach.

“That’s better.” Bucky praised, lowing his head and licking from the base of Steve’s cock up to the tip, then wrapping his lips around Steve’s shiny pink head and flicking his tongue over the slit.

Steve whined high in his throat and pushed his hips up almost subconsciously but Bucky just moved up with him until he settled. He lifted off and kneeled between Steve’s legs.

“Steven…” Bucky started, his voice low and warning. “What did I say about moving?” he asked pointedly, running his hands on the insides of Steve’s thighs and knowing he’s understand the warning behind it.

“Sorry sir.” Steve said quickly, meeting Bucky’ eyes and giving the slightest nod.

_I want it_

 

Bucky heard it loud and clear, he wanted to take whatever Bucky was comfortable giving him.

“Not tonight baby.” Bucky whispered softly, leaning up and kissing Steve deeply. “I’m gonna slick you up, get the ring on and we’ll really get started okay?” he questioned against his lips, just to be sure Steve was still up for this.

“Please, Bucky. I want this.” Steve assured him, nuzzling against his cheek in place of stroking it with his hand given where they were contained.

Bucky pulled back enough just to see the darkness of Steve’s eyes, and the heated expression.

“Please.” He said again, seeing what was left of the unease in Bucky’s eyes.

“Okay, alright my sweet boy. I’m going to set my phone timer for two hours and we’ll see where it goes.” He explained, reaching up to the nightstand to retrieve his phone and start the timer.

Now he had a time frame, he could settle. He sat back on his knees between Steve’s legs and took his cock in his flesh hand. He saw Steve’s muscles tense in his attempt not to move and gave him an approving smile.

“Good boy…” he praised. “Good boys get rewards.” He added with a smirk, leaning down and taking Steve in his mouth, slowly bobbing his head lower and lower until he was swallowing Steve down all the way. He could hear him panting and giving little strained moans as though he was trying to hold it in.

 

Bucky couldn’t have that.

 

“Hey, sweet boy, I didn’t say anything about being quiet, in fact I’d quite like it if you were noisy, lets me know if I’m doing something right.” He said once he’d pulled away, leaving a trail of saliva from his lower lip, knowing that Steve found it hot.

Steve looked down and any attempt to hold in his moans was soon aborted when he saw Bucky. “Fuck, Sir, please.” He groaned, swallowing hard and licking his lips.

Bucky smirked and leaned back down again, encasing Steve’s head between his lips and not breaking eye contact. All the little mewls and breathy moans went straight to his still clothed cock.

He took a quick deep breath and took all of him in his mouth again, nose pressed against his hairless groin. Steve had clearly been preparing for this for a while.

Bucky went to town on Steve, pleasuring him like this was one of his favourite things to do and he wasn’t about to hold back. He used the serum to his advantage and held his breath, swallowing around Steve and looking up to watch him moan. He alternated between deep throat and suckling on his pink tip, teasing the slit with his tongue, pulling back to blow cool air over it and watching Steve squirm. He always was so responsive to the tiniest of sensations, even before the serum enhanced it all.

 

Bucky worked Steve to the edge twice in the space of half an hour, his jaw now aching a little with how much he’d worked it. It hardly mattered though, not when he saw Steve’s glistening, dazed eyes. He’d thought it would have been harder to get Steve to a state like this.

Sitting up, Bucky began to stroke Steve’s thigh with his flesh hand and his cock with his metal one, knowing the temperature difference would be intense after the heat of Bucky’s mouth.

 “Sir, please!” Steve gasped, hips jerking as he begged needily, Bucky was glad to see he was still capable of words, he didn’t want him to float too high too quickly, he’s end up missing half of it. Also, Bucky wanted to hear him beg some more. _He’s so pretty when he begs._

He kept his hand slowly moving up and down his shaft, feeling the heat from it warm up the cool metal of his hand, while he grabbed the cock-ring and the lube, he managed to slick it up with one hand and then slipped it down Steve’s shaft, securing it in place and feeling Steve’s cock thicken in his palm.

“That’s beautiful…” he drawled, stroking Steve leisurely. “Does that feel okay?”  He asked softly, hoping he'd not pushed too far too early.

"Perfect, feels nice." Steve murmured, his words becoming a little less slurred as the break allowed him to gain awareness. "Sir" he tagged on quickly, as though he’d forgotten he needed to use it.

 

Bucky almost cracked, he felt nervous at the idea of not being able to be what Steve clearly wanted of him. But he looked at it from a different perspective, using his ‘dom’ eyes rather than his ‘partner’ eyes. He could see how hard Steve was and how flushed his chest had become. How his thighs and hips were twitching slightly with the effort not to move, to stick to the rules. He wanted this, he couldn't help himself. Bucky saw how dark and lustful his eyes were. How distant they were becoming. Steve was losing himself in the sensations and the lack of control. He was allowing Bucky to own him and he was floating in the release it was giving him. Bucky felt so proud of him in this moment it was impossible not to lean up and capture his red, bitten lips.

“I love you.” He whispered, cupping his cheek and nuzzling against him intimately. “I’m so lucky to have such a perfect boy, being so well behaved.” He praised, pulling away to see the way his words lit up Steve’s features.

He kissed him again once more before pulling away and settling between Steve’s legs.

“Alright baby doll, we got an hour and a quarter to go. Let’s see how many times we can get you on edge.” He stated, going back to stroking him efficiently, just enough pressure and at a relatively slow pace.

“We’ll start with 5 and then take a break yeah? How does that sound?” He asked, letting his metal hand curl over Steve’s hip, rubbing over the dip which guided to his groin.

“Yes Sir, Please sir.” Steve breathed. And Bucky watched as his eyes darted down to his hand, a silent request that he wasn’t coherent enough to voice.

Bucky smirked, moving his hand and letting the plates shift over one another. “You liked that huh?” He asked evilly, swapping hands but teasing with metal fingertips instead of his whole hand like Steve clearly wanted. Bucky wondered if now might be a good time to show off his new upgrade rather than waiting like he’d initially planned.

Steve whimpered, his hips already moving and twitching again as he tried to get the sensations he desired. “Please, more Sir.” He asked weakly.

“Come on now sweet boy, if you want something you have to ask for it nicely” he pressed, pulling his hand away from Steve’s engorged cock, shifting and reaching for his shoulder in as natural way as possible, He didn’t think Steve would notice, however, given the current state he was in.

“Oh please, please let me have your hand Sir.” He asked, “Please, I want it. The metal one, please Sir.” Steve whined. He was so gorgeous like this, Bucky was powerless to resist.

“Good boy, That’s right.” He praised. “good boys get what they want.” He told him, letting his hand finally come into contact with Steve. Fingers wrapping around his shaft and squeezing gently.

“Ohhhhh……” Steve moaned, his head settling back onto the pillow, hips pushing up into the sensations.

Bucky grinned, pressing the concealed button and feeling his fingers begin to buzz. While he was still impressed with the technology, what was more impressive was Steve’s reaction.

 

His back arched completely off the bed as he thrust up, trying to get more. Air was apparently robbed from him if his breathless gasping was anything to go by. His face was a beautiful mix of confused, aroused and determined not to break the rules Bucky had set out for him. Bucky could see him visibly trying to supress his impending orgasm as he got used to the sensations, gradually lowering himself back to the bed and finding he was able to breathe again, moaning wantonly but never breaking eye contact with his master.

Bucky watched him carefully, a small smile on his face. He could see when Steve got too close, reaching up with his right hand and holding his balls tight, pushing the limits just a little further. He watched intently as the awareness and control tricked out of Steve’s eyes, leaving him relaxed and putty in Bucky’s hold. He knew that Steve couldn’t come now, not without permission, no matter how stimulated he got.

 

But Bucky wasn’t about to cause Steve pain, so he withdrew his left hand; finger by buzzing finger and shut off each in turn. He waited until Steve’s deep red cock had stopped twitching before releasing his hold on his balls, letting him come down off that edge. “You’re doing perfect for me Stevie, so beautiful. I could watch you all day like this-“ Steve made a slightly anxious noise at this comment, making Bucky anxious in turn. “-don’t worry, sweetheart. We’ve got another hour.” He reassured him, stroking up his thighs to his chest, thumbing at both Steve’s hard, sensitive nipples before working his way back down again. He felt Steve relax again, which in turn settled Bucky’s nerves.

“Gimme a colour baby.” He requested, needing to know before he could carry on.

Steve was able to smile slightly when he breathed “Green”, indicating to bucky that he’d need to get back to it or Steve might just come back down again before they were done.

“Good boy.” He praised, setting up his hand so all the vibrations were coming through his index finger, touching it to Steve’s tip and watching delightedly as Steve lit up like he’d been electrocuted.

 

* * *

 

When Steve became aware again he was surrounded by warmth on all sides. Bucky was holding him against his chest, fingers running through damp golden hair, while blankets were tucked around him. He blinked a few times and took a quick mental inventory of himself. He felt a little sweaty but not unclean, he didn’t remember showering or anything though so he figured Bucky must have bathed him.

His arms were free again, he didn’t feel any pain, nor did he feel his cock trapped in a cage. So he’d managed to obey the rules then. That thought alone was enough to bring a smile to his face, things became clearer the more alert he got. He remembered Bucky finally allowing his release, the blinding white hit of pure pleasure while bucky worked him over with his mouth and those damn vibrating fingers. Tony really had a lot to answer for.

Looking up, he met Bucky’s eyes and only then realised he’d been talking.

 

“-tiful, there you are, back with me yet?” Bucky’s soft tones worked through the last of Steve’s haze, clearing the fog. He smiled and nodded in response to his question, leaning up to kiss his jaw.

 

“You were gone a little while there, take things slow okay?” Bucky said as he sat them up.

 

“Just sips, get through half this bottle and then I’ll grab the Gatorade and strawberries okay? Sounds good?” Steve was only able to nod as he drank, feeling it flood his system and make him more awake with each sip.

 

“You were so good for me, took everything I gave you so well.” Steve smiled and preened, accepting the strawberries for energy drink.

 

“Thank you, Bucky.” Steve murmured when all the food and drink was gone. “I mean the breakfast I was making for us is ruined but I can’t remember the last time I felt that good.” He admitted taking Bucky’s hand and kissing his knuckles. “Unplanned and spontaneous. But apparently, it was everything we needed.” He added softly.

Bucky smiled and nodded, leaning close and kissing Steve sweetly. “I’m glad I didn’t chicken out this time.” He agreed.

“You and me both, baby.” Steve drawled, “Come on, we should probably clean up before someone inevitably turns up.” He murmured, sounding much more with it.

Bucky nodded, “You go on ahead, I’ll clean up in here quickly.” Bucky said. Steve nodded and squeezed Bucky’s hand before walking steadily through to the bathroom where Jarvis already had the water running.

_Day 15 – Part 2_

_I DID IT!_

_Me and Steve did a scene, finally we did a scene. A successful scene. He loved it, I loved it even though I didn’t get off. God, he was so perfect, I’ve never seen him quite like this before. The whole issue with the safe-word really threw us both but it enabled us to find out that maybe we weren’t both suited to playing both roles._

_I can hear him humming in the shower, he hasn’t done that since we shared a dinky little flat in Brooklyn. I’m so in love with him it hurts sometimes. But there’s nothing I would ever give it up for. And if given the choice of going back to before the war and now? I think I’d chose to go through it all again, despite how bad it was. Steve and I wouldn’t be the same if we’d not understood how it felt to lose one another. I’m not sure either of us would appreciate and love each other as much as we do without having known a life without the other in it._

_That and the technology, food and acceptance of queers is far better in the 21 st century than it was in 1930._

_He’s calling me now, wanting to know what’s taking so long. I should probably go be with him to make sure he doesn’t have a delayed reaction or something. He’s my Steve and I’m his Bucky. I don’t think there’s anything that can change that. Not even a single uttered ‘Hydra’._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who feel like this is a conclusion, you're correct. I'm ending it here despite originally having more planned. The plot didn't exactly go in the direction I wanted it to but I'm still happy with it. I feel like here is a good place to stop, leaving you to imagine all the wicked and wild things they may do in future. If there's anything you specifically want to see then feel free to leave a comment, I may do a couple follow up chapters but for the time being this is complete.  
> Thank you all so much for reading, it means a lot to me that you make the effort and enjoy it as well. It makes me believe I am actually capable of something that makes people happy.


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